I want you to understand that Allah Almighty is the one who is in charge of our qadar. Fate is one of the articles of faith; and although we’re here talking about marriage, love, and happiness, always our discussion has to be about what we believe, why we believe it, who we believe in, and what He has asked of us.

And of the articles of faith, not one that is less than those that precedes it. We believe in that which is fated for us by Allah, its bitter and sweet, its happy and sorrow, its difficult and its ease… And we know that Allah is in charge of our life, but I wish to speak about qadar in a meaningful way.

There are two types of qadar:

1- The Destined

The first qadar is one that you have no choice in. It is destined for you, determined for you, it is with the knowledge of Allah, with the Will of Allah, with the creation of Allah, and with the ability of Allah.

It has those four levels of the qadar of Allah. And those are the things that Allah has determined that we are not fit to make decisions in.

When I’m born, to what kind of family will I be born, in which society and which era I will be born in, who my parents will be, whether I will grow up happy in an affluent home or in a difficult economically impoverished home…

Decisions that are not left for you and I, genetic propensity, things that I am born with that are a part of my genetic makeup that I have no ability to change and configure. It is determined and set by the knowledge, the will, the creation, and the ability of Allah.

2- The Qadar we can Influence

But there is another qadar which is given to my hand and your hand based on the qadar that you have no choice in. And that level of qadar is that you and I can influence, that your mother can influence.

The dua of the Prophet teaches us that when you make dua for yourself, the basis of it is asking Allah to alter our qadar. The reason you’re ill and you say:

“Oh Allah! I ask you for healing… the qadar you have sent at this moment of my illness, I ask you Allah to change it.”

The dua of your mother for you changes your qadar in terms of the days you live.

The Prophet said:

The one who wants to live longer and have more prosperity in their life let them earn the dua of their mother.

In another hadith:

Let them be good to their kinfolk.

Your aunt, your uncle, your brothers, your sisters, those who are tied to the rahim, those two are tied through the bindings of the womb.