How does one go about dealing with parents in marriage decisions?
In this second part of the series (How to Get Married), brother Abdel Rahman Murphy gives his insights on the second step in the process, after knowing yourself which he described in Part 1.
In this video, he talks about how to engage in a conversation with parents about the process of getting married.
He explains that on the level of fiqh, technically-speaking a man does not need permission from his parents, while a woman does need permission from her guardian, or wali.
He warns that the idea of a secret marriage is a terrible idea in his opinion, which he would never endorse.
Among the useful advice given here is please communicate early and often. Don’t wait till the last minute and offer them a wedding invitation, as that’s not the best approach to introduce the idea you want to get married to them.
Talk to them early on, once you are considering getting married. Ask them for their advice, as they have a wealth of education, wisdom and experience they would want to share with you.
The second important advice is to listen, don’t just talk.
Listening will allow you to properly process and understand their point of view. Through your body language and good listening attitude, you would be showing them your respect.
Thirdly, communicate your expectations to your parents, and get them engaged in the process even if you already have someone in mind as a potential future spouse.
Don’t miss this excellent 5 minute video by brother Abdel Rahman Murphy.