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On Parenting & Family Issues – Live Counseling Session

Aisha Mohammad
11 June, 2020

Salamu alaykum dear brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Aisha for answering the questions.

You can find the answers below:

Feel free to send your questions to [email protected]

The service is completely anonymous

Monday, Jun. 15, 2020 | 05:00 - 07:00 GMT

Session is over.



Q:

We’re having much time during quarantine and I want to use it usefully with my kids. I want to teach them Luqman’s teachings to his son in a way that suits their age. How can I do that?

A:

As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our live session. Indeed, the teachings of Luqman are important for these times and trials we are going through. What a wonderful gift to give your children!

How would you Like to Teach?

I kindly suggest insh’Allah that you determine how you would like to teach them. Depending on their ages you can chose to read Surah Luqman  in the Qur’an to them and have a discussion afterwards about what it means and how one can apply it to their lives.

You may also wish to implement fun learning sessions wherein the children after a lesson, are asked to make cards and test one another on questions pertaining to the lessons. Questions can relate to anything from not attributing any partners to Allah, being good to parents, good deeds and bad deeds, and so forth.

Age Appropriate Materials

You can also purchase age appropriate Islamic books on the teachings of  Surah Luqman and read them with the children. After the children have learned the stories, you may have them write their own mini storybooks about what they have learned from Luqman’s teachings to his son.

Writing a book can be fun and creative for children and give them a sense of accomplishment while learning.  There are also online video’s on Surah Luqman that you may wish to watch with the children to increase their understanding and appreciation.

Conclusion

Whatever method you use, there should be age appropriate learning materials for your children  as well as fun ways to engage them. By making the learning journey interesting, fun, creative, and applicable to their lives, I am sure these are teachings which they will always cherish. We wish you the best.

Q:

My husband had an affair with a woman. I prayed to Allah for help and guide me I took him back and forgave him but I can’t forget what he did. I try to stay positive I pray all to time but the hurt is very deep and it has put a deep rift in a marriage I don’t respect him anymore.

I love him very much we have 4 wonderful children I try to be the wife he won’t but I can stop thinking about what he did and I am scared he will do it again. I am always depressed and sad I won’t to move on but I can’t get his betrayal out of my head and heart.

A:

As salamu alaykum, 

Shokran for writing to our live session.  I am very sad to hear about your situation with your husband. I can imagine that this has hurt you very much, as well as has caused you to lose all trust in him. When a spouse cheats it is never easy on one’s heart, and it surely is very difficult to regain trust.

Affairs/Cheating in Marriage

As you stated your husband had an affair with a woman and you did pray to Allah for His guidance and help. You did take your husband back and forgive him, but the problem is you’re having a hard time forgetting. Cheating can have a devasting effect on a marriage and is not an easy thing to over-ome, but some couples have been successful with this type of situation.

It May Take Time

Sister you are doing all the right things such as staying positive, praying, trying to repair your marriage, as well as depending on Allah. I kindly encourage you to continue these things however, please know that it may take some time for you to heal. Only Allah knows.

Normal Feelings

You did say that the hurt is very deep and has put a rift in your marriage. You have also lost respect for him. This is quite normal as he has betrayed you in one of the worst ways. It will take time to heal.

I kindly encourage you to keep praying to Allah, trying to remain positive, and trying to be open to building trust. You did not say how your husband has responded or if he is doing things to gain your trust back however inshallah he is.

Time

While the pain is very bad right now it will get better over time insha’Allah. I understand that is hard to trust him right now and it will take time to rebuild and feel close t him again. Insha’Allah, if you both keep Islam as a foundation of your marriage, you will begin to heal your marriage insha’Allah.  Give yourself time sister to heal and get over this.

Taking Care of Self

Try to do good things for yourself such as spending time in nature, exercising, eating good foods, going out to lunch with a sister, going to Islamic events and so far. These thing’s will bring a balance to your life and are very important when one is trying to heal from a hurt or harm.

Conclusion

If you find that despite trying to get over this betrayal that you remain depressed, sad, and hurt, please do seek out counseling in your area to help you through the healing process. We wish you the best.

Q:

As-salaam Alaikum Please I need an advice.

December last year, I lost my dad and my uncle and his son took possession of my Dad’s property and now we only feed on when they are ready to give us out of what my dad has. According to my uncle, he said I am too little to own what my father has at 21years old.

Please I need your advice and really fed up because my mum needs many things and she doesn’t have money to do so. And I am still studying at University. I don’t know how to go about it. please help.

A:

As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our live session. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can imagine that this has hurt you badly, for the loss of one of our parents is always most traumatic and sad. May Allah grant your dad the highest ranks of Jannah.

Father passed Away, Uncle took Control of Property

Sadly, and disturbingly, your uncle and his son took possession of your dad’s property and they control everything that your dad had. From what I understand, it seems that either your uncle or your father has determined either in a will or by words, that you are to get an amount when you are 21 years old. I am not sure how old you are now; however, it seems that your dad’s possessions and property should go to support the family.

Family in Financial Need

You state that your mom needs many things and she doesn’t have any money, and that you are still an undergraduate at the university and you do not have a job. Understandably, you and your mom are in a very difficult situation. What is further understood is that your mom was married to your father who passed away.  As a concerned husband and father, when your dad was alive perhaps it was his intent that you both were taken care of financially should anything happen to him.

Seek out a Lawyer

I would kindly suggest that if possible, seek out a lawyer to help resolve the situation between you, your mom, and your uncle and his son regarding your dad’s property and possessions. A lawyer can help you get your father’s possessions back insha’Allah including the financials. However, if your father had written a will giving everything to his brother, or to be distributed to you and your mom with stipulations, then it made it be difficult to contest.

It will also depend on what country you live in. In any event please do contact a lawyer if possible to determine what your options are.

We wish you the best.

Q:

As-salamu aleikum,

I’m writing this email because I am at a point in my life where I can’t be bothered anymore doing any forms of acts of worship because I inevitably fall into major sins after (from watching porn/masturbating, cursing and swearing at Allah intentionally, missing prayers, being undutiful to my mum).

And when I manage to do these acts of worship it just doesn’t feel good or comforting. I’m fed up as I have no trust or hope in Allah because I feel like I’ve asked Him many times to help me change and I’ve not changed whatsoever. In my mind I ask myself why does Allah want me to keep feeling this way and not make me change?

Anyways I hope you see this email and reply with any form of help. I’m sure that whatever you say I’ve heard in the past but still, hopefully it can help.

A:

As salamu alaykum,

Shokran for writing to our live session. My dear brother as I understand your situation, you feel like giving up on trying to please Allah because you keep committing major sins. You say you do try to worship Allah, but it doesn’t feel good or comforting.

Allah’s Love and Mercy

You feel that you have no trust or hope in Allah because you kept asking Him to help you change and you have not changed at all. Brother, the first thing you need to realize is that yes Allah does love you. While you may feel guilty for the sins that you’re committing and intentionally doing, Allah still does love you.  Allah still does have hope in you even if you do not have hope in Him. Did you know that when we take a few steps towards Allah takes 100 towards us? How awesome is that?

Tests and Trials

There are many tests and trials in this life. It is up to us if we are going to pass or fail these tests and trials. Either we can draw closer to Allah and focus on correcting our shortcomings, make conscious efforts to stop sinning, repent, and stay on the good path-or we don’t. We are human beings with free will.

Allah Helps those who Help Themselves

Allah says that He will help us and come to our aid however we also need to do work ourselves at resolving situations. We just don’t ask Allah to help us and then keep doing whatever we are doing that is wrong. As it is said, we trust in Allah, but we tie our camel.

Allah Loves you, Do you?

Brother as you stated  you probably heard all this before, but I will just reiterate it with the hopes that it touches your heart. Allah loves you. You have a lot of blessings in that you are able to pray for forgiveness and seek repentance. That’s how much Allah loves us. However, when you ask Allah for help, you also have to help yourself by manifesting the change that you want to see.

Either you decide to change so you can live a happy and blessed life, or you continue on this path and feel like it is Allah’s fault. It is not-Allah is perfect-humans are not. In your question, you asked yourself “why does Allah want me to keep feeling this way and not make me change.” Brother, Allah swt can do anything He wants.

However, we have free will so the question really is why do you not make the changes that you need to make? Being a Muslim and serving and obeying such a merciful God as Allah should bring you happiness and joy, and a desire in your heart to please the Most High. This means you making changes within yourself.

Conclusion

Insha’Allah, I hope that we have help in some small way, insha’Allah we have touched your heart and made it more tender towards change, a new outlook, and insha’Allah a better vision of what your responsibility is to yourself. Allah loves you, insha’Allah you will love yourself enough as well to make the needed changes to be happy and to please Allah.

We wish you the