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On Being a New Muslim (Q & A Session)

Kaighla Um Dayo
27 April, 2017

Asalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters, 

More and more people are entering Islam and facing a mountain of unanswered questions. Or new Muslims are finding answers to questions that do not take the experience of the convert into account. For this reason, we are pleased to offer a live session just for new Muslims.

This session will be dedicated to answering all the questions new Muslims have about learning and living Islam.

You don’t even have to be “new” to participate. Those who are newly practicing are welcome to join the session.

The session host will be writer and once new Muslim, Kaighla um Dayo. So please jot down your questions and join us Monday, May 1st, from  5-7 PM GMT  (8–10 PM Makkah) (12-2 PM Chicago)

If you won’t be available during this time, but you have questions that need answers, don’t worry! You can email your questions in advance to [email protected], and our counselor will include them in the Live Session. 

Monday, May. 01, 2017 | 20:00 - 22:00 GMT

Session is over.

Why don’t Muslims wear shoes in the house. I am a new Muslim and have the understanding that this is an Eastern/specifically Japanese tradition. Is there a religious component to this also?



Asalaamu alaykum John,

Thank you for your question. This is a common confusion for new Muslims who are often led into Islam or helped along after converting by well intending heritage Muslims, often of Pakistani/Indian/Malay/Arab cultures, all of which have some or other cultural preoccupation with shoes in the house. Some may argue that it’s about cleanliness, as Prophet Muhammad taught that “Cleanliness is half of faith” (Sahih Muslim).

We do know that shoes carry a variety of filth and disease, so from a hygienic stand-point, it’s just good sense not to wear them in the house. The pressing thing really is that we put our foreheads on the ground in sujood (prostration) several times a day, and no one wants to be putting their faces in the sort of filth we track in on our shoes, even microscopically.

On the other hand, people have argued that by using a prayer rug and then taking it up and storing it so that it isn’t be stepped on by shoes would alleviate that problem. Still more would argue that from a spiritual standpoint, throughout all time, with every prophet, God has ordered them to remove their shoes because “the ground you are standing on is Holy Ground”. But Prophet Muhammad said that God had made all the earth a place of prostration and prayer, so this point is moot (Sahih Bukhari).

And so, the answer to your question is: it’s not a matter of faith to remove your shoes in the house, it’s a matter of culture and personal cleanliness.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch. Salam. 

Do I have to get married now that I am a Muslim? I don’t feel a need or a physical desire for intimacy, but people seem to think this is something everyone should do as soon as possible after they convert. But can I wait? I can see myself getting married down the road, but I just am not interested in it right now.



Asalaamu alaykum my dear sister in Islam,

I approach you with the warmest love when I say this: run from anyone who tells you to get married because it’s “what you should do after you convert”. Theresa Corbin and I have actually written extensively on this topic in our book for new Muslims, which is being published later this year. But for now, let me direct you to a blog post we wrote on this topic.

Essentially, contrary to what the aunties in the masjid (mosque) try to tell you, no, it’s not haraam (unlawful) to be single. And no you don’t need a “good reason” to choose to stay single. You don’t ever have to get married if that is your deal. This whole “Oh, but not being married is a great fitnah (trial) on the earth! Getting and being married completes half of our deen (religious obligations)” is just bologna, through and through. For one thing, that hadith (saying of Prophet Muhammad) was declared weak by Ibn Hajar and other scholars. This means we can’t be sure he even said it, and it’s likely he didn’t.

Now, think for a second: were you desperate to jump into a haraam relationship with anyone of the opposite sex 5 minutes before you said shahadah? If not, you aren’t suddenly that way now. And even if you do get married, fitnah still exists. Take as much time as possible to dedicate your heart to Allah. Be OK with being alone with Him. He wants to be nearer to you or He wouldn’t have guided you to Islam. Take time to learn the ins-and-outs, but stick to the basics. When you have developed a solid sense of what the difference between religion and culture is, you’ll be safe from the frequent, soul-crushing issues many of us converts have had to learn the hard way.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch. Salam.

Asalamu Alaikum, Thank you for doing this session. My question is about my family. I have not told them I have converted to Islam yet and I am afraid they will take it very hard since they do not know much about the faith and are pretty indoctrinated in the Western misconceptions of the faith. How can I go about “softening” the news? Are there any tips or is there a gradual process you recommend?



Wa alaykum salaam Angela,

It is my honor to be here to support my fellow brothers and sisters in Islam. I have been where you are. Before converting to Islam, I was an evangelical Christian, attended Bible college, and worked as a missionary in a few countries. It was devastating for my friends and family to learn of my conversion, and mostly because I did it in a flagrantly poor fashion, one which showed no regard for their feelings or the delicate tensions of our relationships.

First, be sure that you have the foundations of your faith laid before you attempt to explain to their family members and friends that you are Muslim. Though you may be blessed with open-minded loved ones, even the most open-minded will immediately have a hundred questions about a myriad of things you need to be able to either answer with confidence—something that takes time—or be able to admit you are unsure of.

Learn about the fundamentals of your faith in God and the very basic beliefs of Islam concerning God, Prophet Muhammad and the other prophets, and the question of eternal life or death in Heaven or Hell before you attempt to try to “come out of the closet” as Muslim, as it were. Once you feel really sure in your reasons for embracing Islam and feel confident in sharing the news, and are sure any hostility or negative reactions will not shake your faith or your relationships with these people more than is necessary, I would advise you to keep your conversation as private as possible for as long as possible.

Your relationship with Allah is your own, and no one else’s. No one has a right to know, period. Your choosing to inform them is a privilege they enjoy as a beloved friend or family member, not their right. Be careful who you choose to tell, and be selective in who finds out in the beginning. Honesty is a virtue in Islam, but sharing your faith is not a requirement of honesty for Muslims, and indeed the first Muslims, living in a time of great trial, hid their Islam for years. There is no shame in this. Emphasize to them that you are still the same you, and you still love them dearly, but this is something you have thought about for x number of years/a long time, and you feel confident it’s the path for you. May Allah make it easier for you.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch. 

Salam.