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Ask About Islam: LIVE Session w/ AAI Editor Kaighla Um Dayo

Kaighla Um Dayo
30 August, 2017
live editor

 

Do you have questions about Islam? Do you wish you could actually ask a Muslim without having to approach them in public?

 

Maybe you are a Muslim and would like to become a published writer with Ask About Islam.

 

Or, maybe you have questions about what content editing entails for Ask About Islam!

 

Join us this Tuesday, September 5th, at 11am EST (6pm Makkah, 3pm GMT, 5pm Cairo) with all your questions for our editor, Kaighla Um Dayo.

 

Send your questions in advance to [email protected]

 

Don’t worry if you can’t make the LIVE session. You can come back and check out the questions and answers here after the session.

Tuesday, Sep. 05, 2017 | 18:00 - 20:00 GMT

Session is over.

Salaam. I was really hoping you can help in this matter to get to the right way as per Allah's commands. I am a 39 year old woman. I have been married for a year and a half. Recently, my husband and I decided to try for children and I found out through blood testing that I am in menopause. Therefore I can't have any children. I have two questions. 1. Is it permitted to pray for baby when it's medically impossible to have babies? Isn't it not accepting Allah's will to continue to pray for something that is not possible? 2. Since it was an arranged marriage my in laws would want their son to divorce me since I can't have children. Will it make me a good Muslim to give my husband the divorce he wants since I am denying his right to have kids?



Asalaamu alaykum and thank you for your question, sister,

 

Truly, it hurt my heart to read your question. I cannot imagine the pain and frustration you must be feeling. I, myself, have been blessed with far too much in the way of fertility and cannot say I have ever had to beg Allah for children. On the contrary, I have to beg Him to hold off on giving us more.

 

The Core Issue

 

The first thing I want to address if the heartbreaking comment you actually made at the very end of the question:

Will it make me a good Muslim to give my husband the divorce he wants since I am denying his right to have kids?

 

My dear sister, this is very untrue. You are NOT denying him the “right” to have children. This is the qadr of Allah, and it is not in your hands, not in the least.

 

You have not chosen this path, Allah has decreed this for you.

 

You were not created for the sole purpose of procreating, and I should hope your family and your husband are able to see the wonderful benefits you bring to this world beyond the “responsibility” to have children.

 

Not being able to give your husband children is not a grounds for divorce, not by any stretch. You did not enter this marriage as a breeding sow, and it hurts to think that is how you’ll allow yourself to be discarded.

 

Your worth lies in your creation of Allah, not in producing children.

 

The Questions

 

In regards your actual questions, I want to caution you to seek a second medical opinion. 39 is early for menopause barring extenuating circumstances. The normal age range for the onset of menopause is between 48-55, so you are still 10 years away from that. I would advise you to seek a second opinion before giving up hope.

 

Regarding making dua to Allah to help you in this affair, to give you children when you’re “medically unable”, I say absolutely!

 

God has all the power, and He has certainly done crazier things than giving women children when they were medically unable.

 

Look at the case of Elizabeth, the cousin of Maryam, the mother of Jesus. She became pregnant with Prophet Yahya very very late in life!

 

Look at the case of Ibraheem and his wife Hagar. He was a very old man!

 

We should seek Allah’s help in all things. It can never, ever be said that dua is wrong or unlawful, except in the case of seeking the destruction of someone who does not deserve such dua, and Allah knows best.

 

I advise you and your husband to consider that there are other routes to solve this problem than divorce and casting you off from the marriage and family.

 

Seek a second medical opinion. If this also confirms you are somehow in early menopause, consult other doctors to see about options. Consider adoption as a route to raise children together. At the very least, consider polygyny as an option if he insists on having his own offspring.

 

At the end of the day, if this man believes you are only a good wife for him if you are able to provide children, and feels you are easily replaceable if you cannot, by no choice of your own, divorce may actually be the best option for you!

 

May Allah make things easier for you, my sister, and ease your burden.

 

http://aboutislam.net/family-society/husbands-wives/infertile-couples-childless-doesnt-mean-hopeless/

 

http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/cant-get-married-as-i-cant-have-children/

 

We Can’t Have Children; I’m So Depressed

 

Depressed and Suffering from Infertility

 

Still No Child: I’m Thinking of Taking a Second Wife

 

Dilemma with My Infertile Husband: Stay or Divorce?

 

Husband Wants a Second Wife Because I’m Infertile

Salamoaleykom. I recently started university and i am having trouble with making my salat in time. There some some few reasons: 1.While it is adhan time i am already in class listening to my teacher. 2.There is no prayer room as i had in senior high school. 3. I really reaaally don't feel comfortable praying in the public. I really want to do something about this because my conscience is killling me. Thank you!



Asalaamu alaykum,

Thank you for sending this important question to Ask About Islam.

 

This is actually a very common question for University and High School students, so we’re glad to answer it.

 

The short answer is: re-prioritize your life.

 

The good news if that you still feel guilty for it, which is a sign that your faith is still alive. Things are more serious when you don’t feel badly.

 

Regarding missing prayers in general, there is literally never an excuse to miss a prayer so long as one is alive, conscious, and able to move even one of their fingers to mimic the movement one would make with their body when one is so ill, one cannot even try to bend at the waist or is stuck in bed, or near-death.

 

Prophet Muhammad, for example, even prayed during war. During actual, active warfare, wherein his life and the lives of his companions were in danger:

When you (O Messenger Muhammad) are among them, and lead them in As‑Salaah (the prayer), let one party of them stand up [in Salaah (prayer)] with you taking their arms with them; when they finish their prostrations, let them take their positions in the rear and let the other party come up which have not yet prayed, and let them pray with you taking all the precautions and bearing arms. Those who disbelieve wish, if you were negligent of your arms and your baggage, to attack you in a single rush, but there is no sin on you if you put away your arms because of the inconvenience of rain or because you are ill, but take every precaution for yourselves. Verily, Allaah has prepared a humiliating torment for the disbelievers. [al-Nisa’ 4:102]

 

When one thinks of it that way, our excuses about work, school, and such are pretty miserable excuses to miss prayer.

 

That being said, we are all human and sometimes we find ourselves unable to pray without causing repercussions in our lives or in the lives of others.

 

You mentioned you are missing prayers because the athan comes during the class time.

 

Are you aware that you do not have to pray the prayer as soon as the athan is said? You have until just before the athan of Asr, for example, to pray the Dhuhr prayer.

 

We should not delay our prayers, but later is better than never.

 

Are you saying you have such a full schedule of back-to-back classes, without even 10 minutes between, for around 4 straight hours, that you cannot pray Dhuhr?

 

If that is the case, how do you use the restroom? Surely, if you needed to use the restroom or get a drink of water, your professor would permit you to leave the class or lecture hall for those few moments.

 

We must look at praying our prayers as something just as pressing and more of an emergency than meeting our bodily needs.

 

You mentioned you live in Sweden. I am not familiar with the laws there, but I know that there may be a legitimate reason you are uncomfortable with praying in public.

 

I highly suggest going to someone of higher authority in your university and requesting a quiet, safe space to pray daily. Praying is a basic human right, and I feel sure someone will be able to find an office or empty room not being used. Some administrator or professor may even volunteer to let you use their office to pray in.

 

The final point, really, is that prayer is the oxygen of your soul. You cannot deprive your soul of its connection with Allah and expect there won’t be any consequences and repercussions in your life.

 

Everything costs something. Everything has an opportunity cost. The opportunity cost of your future career should not be the detriment of your eternal soul.

 

Please have a look at these articles on the important of not missing prayers, and what to do when work or school make praying difficult or seemingly impossible:

 

Hectic Job: How Can I Find Time to Pray?

 

I’m Unable to Pray at Work: What Can I Do?

 

I Miss a Prayer, but Don’t Feel Guilty; I’m Worried!

 

I Feel Overwhelmed With Missed Prayers Daily

 

All Work and No Pray Gives an Unhappy Day

 

Asalamu Alaikum! I'm new here and starting to learn Islam. Your site helps me to learn and understand the teachings of Islam. I need your help again. Why do Muslim preferred a Cat as a pet over the Dog? Is it prohibited to have Dog? Are we not allowed to pray after touching them or any animals? And lastly, is it true Angel will not enter the house if there is a Dog? I have a 2-year-old shitzu, I want to be guided properly. Thank you again.



Asalaamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question for AAI.

 

This is actually a question we have received on several occasions, and I will share those links at the bottom of this answer.

 

The short answer is: it depends.

 

However, please keep in mind that Islam was revealed in many decades and no one should be expected to change over night. Please don’t feel like you should get rid of your dog right now, as if it was a priority.

 

Focus on what truly matters.

 

Focus on learning the basics of Islam. Focus on learning how to pray and on memorizing your prayers. Focus on trying to cut out seriously haraam things, like drinking, for example.

 

Specifically about Dogs

People argue about whether Muslims should own dogs, primarily because of this hadith from Prophet Muhammad about dogs:

Whoever acquires a dog, aside from a dog for hunting or shepherding, his reward will decrease every day by huge amounts. [Bukhari, Muslim]

 

The consensus among scholars is that dogs who serve a purpose in the home are welcome in the home. This purpose would include assisting those who are sight or hearing-impaired, or as guard dogs to protect the family.

 

So, if your dog is the sort of dog who doesn’t actually help in the home, most scholars would argue it’s really not ok to keep it. You mention your puppy is a shitzu, and that sort of dog is very small, and not really much able to help you.

 

The reality is that dogs’ skin and hair is different than ours, and is usually dirtier.

 

So we should be sure we are clean and good-smelling when we pray, and having touched any animal, even a cat, would naturally make our hands dirtier than they would be otherwise.

 

This is especially true if the dog licks you. Although you don’t need to make wudu, you should probably wash your hands.

 

If the dog has licked you, the best thing is to lightly rinse the place where he did lick you with water. Sheikh Faraz Rabbani says:

If a dog’s saliva comes onto one’s clothes, one must simply wash the affected area itself, until there is no readily-removable trace of the saliva left (such as by pouring water over the affected area three times, or placing it under a running tap). Doing so seven times or with dust (or other cleaning agent) isn’t a requirement but, rather, a recommendation. [ref: al-Halabi, Multaqa al-Abhur; Shurunbulali, Maraqi al-Falah; Ibn al-Humam/Marghinani, Fath al-Qadir `ala al-Hidaya]

 

Some schools of thought in Islam, like the Maliki school, argue that dog saliva, or really any animal’s saliva, is not unclean.

Angels?

 

Regarding if Angels will come in to your house if there is a dog there, I would advise you to submit that question to our Ask The Scholar section.

 

The simple answer, though, is that Angels do not like to enter places which are filthy or smelly, and the cleanest dog in the world is still going to emit a powerful smell.

 

I hope this answers your question, and again, please don’t allow issues like this to overwhelm you. God is more concerned in your developing your spirit and drawing near to Him than these small things.

Read more:

A Dog Touched My Clothes: How to Cleanse Them?

 

Can I Keep a Pet Dog?

 

Can We Keep Dogs As Pets?