No cruel intentions

I hear you. You’re not that type. You’ve already found the one and you’re the happiest lovebirds on the planet. You love each other and your intentions are purely pure. And it’s not even a secret cuz your parents know about your relationship (so jokes on me!).

Again, love is a beautiful, natural thing. Even righteous people in the olden days had feelings and desires. Love isn’t forbidden in Islam. It’s the label without the commitment that is the problem with.

Don’t believe your boyfriend won’t ever pressure you into “proving” your love for him or blame you for being “cold” and “distant” (that’s guy code for: “let’s be CLOSER, cuddle and…”). Don’t think your girlfriend won’t also make moves or demands for more intimacy.

Being so in love naturally comes with physical desires and expectations. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be so keen to be alone! It ALWAYS starts seemingly innocent enough with a long gaze, then holding hands or “just” a peck on the cheek, but soon enough the temptation will make everything spin out of control, and you’ll find yourself doing the unthinkable in a rush of hormones you have erroneously named “love”. Controlling yourself at this point will be dang near impossible.

Don’t you dare deny it, cuz you have at least seen it among friends or acquaintances. Are you next in line?

But what you said before…

Let’s answer the questions we started with, because it does sound like everything is haram in Islam. But once you analyze it, you’ll see Allah only puts restrictions to protect you from something worse, and dating is no different.

Look at the world around you; we’re at the peak of openness, shamelessness and secularism. If dating was the solution, why are cheating and divorce rates still going up?  

But of course don’t marry a total stranger! Make your decision unclouded by desires, hormones and sweet empty promises. Get to know that person as a friend, in public, around your families, for who they really are, with no strings attached. Give yourself the right to make an informed decision, because you’re right, it’s YOUR life, and we don’t want you to screw it up!

And yes love is a beautiful thing. Don’t ever give up the right to love and be loved, but let’s agree that true love is based on trust; and trust cannot be earned via haram activities. That just doesn’t make sense.

True Love

Trust and true love is found when you see the worst, the flaws, the mundane and the fears. This realization won’t happen in the dark. It won’t happen at the movies, or during the fluff filled late night conversations or while hormone-fueled cruising alone in a car.

No, this realization will happen when you see how that person treats other people, helps those in need or takes responsibility for mistakes.

You’ll see it when that person prays on time no matter what happens, has a solid reputation, self control and is honest in every word. You will see it in how they mingle with your family, and how they plan for a better future with you.  

Despite what others tell you, Allah wants you at peace. And whether we like to admit it or not, He has already written down who you’ll end up with before you were crying like a baby, still in your mom’s womb. The ending is already prescribed, but it’s your choice how to write the details.

Do you want to take wrong path or the right one? Do you want get there proud or ashamed? Do you want to break your heart a million times before you find the one, or protect and cherish your heart and soul till you get there?

It’s your life and your decision after all. But if you’re confused, and waiting for a sign to do the right thing.

Well… Let this be it!

First published: January 2019

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