My best advice can be summed up as follows:

Which one of the parents or child is more righteous, Allah-fearing, knowledgeable of Islamic teachings, and adherent of Islamic obligations in practical life, comes out the winner in this complicated situation.

This applies especially to the son or daughter who is involved in a haram romantic relationship: they must realize that they are not just disobeying their parents, but also angering Allah by continuing such a relationship.

Now, for the other scenario, which is much more difficult to solve. If the young single son or daughter is more righteous, religiously practicing, and Allah-fearing than their parents, and the latter are opposing them in their marriage preferences only for worldly reasons, then this son or daughter should proceed with utmost good conduct and behavior in taking a dignified, firm stand in front of their parents. They should use patience, written or verbal advice/admonition, and arbitration to put forth their case to their parents.

In this scenario, the parents should realize that barakah and Allah’s pleasure probably lies in their cordially giving up opposition (based on insignificant worldly issues) to their righteous son’s or daughter’s marriage preferences. They should instead thank Allah for giving them a child who has become a source of their correction and personal improvement in terms of Islamic knowledge and practice, and support them in getting married according to their Islamic preferences.

The best and simplest way to strike a balance in this situation, and to strive for the optimum outcome — a happy, long-lasting marriage — is for both the parents and the single child to fear Allah, be sincere to Him, and to treat their family members the way Allah would want them to treat them.

When this happens, things automatically fall into place over time, and the much awaited day soon arrives when everyone is exchanging hugs after the wedding!

First published: March 2015