5- Make a plan of action.

If you have been trying for a year or more (6 months if you are over 35) and nothing is happening, then you need to see a doctor and have tests. And when I say ‘you’ I mean the pair of you.

6- Remain patient.

It is a very difficult test that Allah is sending you. Whether you choose to go through fertility treatment or not, then you need patience. This journey is a long one, it can be emotionally draining, but having patience will eventually bring you the best reward inshaAllah.

7- Never think this is because Allah thinks you are a bad person.

Wrong! Remember there are many outstanding women in our Islamic history that didn’t have children or only had one child. Lady ‘Aisha had no children and she is one of our most revered role models.

Maryam was mother to just Isa and look how she is held in the highest regard. This is not because Allah hates you, it is because you are being tested and what we don’t have in this world, inshAllah we will have in the next.

8- Cherish your first child.

If you are struggling to have a second child then make sure your first child is not neglected and thank Allah for the blessing of your first child. Your first child should not pick up on the pain or heartbreak of what you are going through. On the contrary, they should feel loved, cared for, precious and cherished.

They may ask you for siblings, you can just tell them, this is Allah’s will but we can make dua. Never let them feel that they are not enough.

9- Make dua for others.

When you see other people having babies, make dua to keep your heart pure and make dua for the woman and her baby. When we make dua for someone Allah will grant us the same.

10- Finally, consider other solutions.

If all attempts of having a baby naturally or by fertility treatments fail, consider adoption. It is allowed in Islam and if you can give a child a home full of love and care then you are doing a very noble and grand gesture.

Of course both you and your husband have to agree with this idea, but it is a beautiful thing to help a child who needs a loving home. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:

“I and the one who sponsors an orphan are like this in Paradise.” Then he joined between his index and middle fingers. (Sahih Al-Bukhari (5304))

Struggling to conceive is one of the most difficult tests we can go through as a married couple. It can be a long and painful journey but we must always keep that hope and faith alive that Allah is listening and Allah will do what is right for us.

We have to find a way of making peace with what is destined for us and as difficult and painful as that may be, we have to do it with a heart full of love and faith for Allah. The last thing I want to leave for those who are going through this difficult test is that Allah loves us deeply. If we can’t have a baby in this life, then Allah is planning the best of babies for us in Paradise and they will be ours for eternity.

Remember, Allah knows what is best for us and when the time is right we will get what is best for us. Never give up on that hope.

For those of you who are going through this tremendously hard journey, I pray that Allah grants you righteous children in this world and the next.

First published: November 2018

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