Even if it is simply reading/discussing a book, visiting a library, going to the masjid,  going for `umrah, taking a walk in the park, having dinner, coffee or ice cream at your favorite restaurant or cafe, doing grocery shopping,  playing a board game, cooking a meal together and eating it? Anything?

– What do you envision your old age to be like? Do you see yourself insisting that your married son(s) don’t move out, so that your house remains full?

Do you see yourself imposing your company on your grown-up children who are living in separate homes: sons and daughters-in-law (or daughters and sons-in-law), uninvited, going to live in their homes for months at a time, away from your spouse, because your own home has become too ‘boring’ for you?

Or do you see yourself doing that which you’ve been wanting to do for years, but couldn’t because of a lack of time or because of other obligations: spending quality time with your spouse? – For healthy recreation, for da’wah pursuits, for seeking knowledge, for leisure – while also giving a portion of it to your offspring and grandchildren (on a demand basis), and to your greater community?

– What do you enjoy doing now, when the kids are asleep? If it doesn’t involve your spouse at all, and mostly involves useless time-fillers such as watching television, reading ‘fluff’, gossiping/venting on the phone, window shopping, or going out with ‘friends’ (i.e. people you hardly know, like, or are close to), then this is a warning sign of an impending old age filled with boredom.

Do something about it NOW, before you become a clingy, snappy senior who is always complaining of being lonely.

The Foundational Relationship

Remember that the husband-wife relationship was the first one created by Allah.

When Allah created Prophet Adam (PBUH) the first human being, the immediately next one to follow was his wife.

This makes it clear how the marital relationship comes into existence even before that of motherhood/fatherhood!

A single parent has to make double the effort to raise a healthy, well-rounded and righteous child, because they lack in their lives the automatic ‘boost’ provided by spousal love that makes the job of co-parenting so much easier to do.

It would, therefore, not be an exaggeration to say that your relationship with your spouse is extremely important.

I acknowledge that many of us might not even live to see old age, or that many of us might lose their spouse naturally long before they grow old, and I pray that Allah spares everyone of us the loneliness and weakness that comes with such a trial.

Which is why Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has also taught all of us to seek refuge from debilitating old age early on, while we are young and active.

But I also want to remind everyone that we need to ask ourselves the above key questions about our marriages NOW, in order to prevent bigger problems from cropping up when/if we get old.

And working on cultivating a loving, caring, and emotionally close relationship with your spouse right NOW, while you are still young, instead of caving in to escapism (using your children and careers as diversions), is one of the most effective ways of preventing many of those old-age problems.

Allah knows best and is the source of all strength.

 

This article was first published at the author’s blog and it’s republished here after her kind permission.

               

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