22 August, 2019
Q
Assalamu alaikum,
I’ve been engaged to my cousin for almost 4 years now, but we didn’t proceed with nikah yet. It was an arranged engagement, but when we were small, we used to play together. I’ve never thought of him as my fiancé.
When we first got engaged, when my fiancé wanted to talk to me sometimes, he would come into my room accidentally, but I didn’t like him doing that so, I couldn’t talk to him in a good way.
He used to tell me through text that he loves me so much or is thinking about me, which I ignored because I didn’t want to be free with him. He wanted to take photos with me in front of my whole family, but I refused.
I would only talk to him about important things like how he was or how his studies were going, and whenever he asked about something important, I would always reply. One day, he told me that I don’t like him, and I said there’s no such thing.
Now, I feel like he’s ignoring me, although he still sends me photos or indirectly tells me he loves me and is waiting for me to talk to him, which bothers me. I feel depressed day by day as I want us to retain a halal relationship, but he keeps pushing the boundaries.
In the beginning, I was shy, but he wasn’t even being patient and kept jumping to conclusions about how I feel about him. I can’t just blindly reciprocate his love. I hoped he would wait a little bit so that I can accept him, but I don’t know how to handle it.
I saw some of his comments on girls’ posts before my engagement, which I didn’t like, and I needed some time to accept him as my future life partner. Kindly guide me and advise me. Did I wrong him?
Sometimes I feel guilty and that I have wronged him, but other times I feel like he should be able to wait for me and shouldn’t cross his limits. I must continue this engagement, but I need advice on how I can handle this properly.
I’ve been engaged to my cousin for almost 4 years now, but we didn’t proceed with nikah yet. It was an arranged engagement, but when we were small, we used to play together. I’ve never thought of him as my fiancé.
When we first got engaged, when my fiancé wanted to talk to me sometimes, he would come into my room accidentally, but I didn’t like him doing that so, I couldn’t talk to him in a good way.
He used to tell me through text that he loves me so much or is thinking about me, which I ignored because I didn’t want to be free with him. He wanted to take photos with me in front of my whole family, but I refused.
I would only talk to him about important things like how he was or how his studies were going, and whenever he asked about something important, I would always reply. One day, he told me that I don’t like him, and I said there’s no such thing.
Now, I feel like he’s ignoring me, although he still sends me photos or indirectly tells me he loves me and is waiting for me to talk to him, which bothers me. I feel depressed day by day as I want us to retain a halal relationship, but he keeps pushing the boundaries.
In the beginning, I was shy, but he wasn’t even being patient and kept jumping to conclusions about how I feel about him. I can’t just blindly reciprocate his love. I hoped he would wait a little bit so that I can accept him, but I don’t know how to handle it.
I saw some of his comments on girls’ posts before my engagement, which I didn’t like, and I needed some time to accept him as my future life partner. Kindly guide me and advise me. Did I wrong him?
Sometimes I feel guilty and that I have wronged him, but other times I feel like he should be able to wait for me and shouldn’t cross his limits. I must continue this engagement, but I need advice on how I can handle this properly.
Answer
Salam Aleikom,
In this counseling video, you will learn:
• You do the right thing: you should not spend time alone with your fiancé.
• However, it is important to talk and get to know each other before the marriage – in the presence of other people, in the halal way.
• You shouldn’t delay the marriage if you are sure you want to marry this person.
• If you can’t accept him as your husband, don’t marry him.
Watch more: