I told him that I liked him, but we both needed time to know each other well to take any further decision. He didn’t like my response and took it as a rejection.
After coming back to India, we continuously chatted with each other through Facebook and Skype. Within a month, I realized that I too loved him. But he had fallen for some other girl who rejected him and insulted him in front of everybody.
He couldn’t bear this insult and was really shattered emotionally, so much so that he started disbelieving in love. We continued to talk online, and I gave my best to support him emotionally.
Later, I expressed my love for him, and he also said he loved me. However, after some time, he confessed that he still didn’t believe in love and that he accepted my proposal just because I had confessed my feelings for him.
Nevertheless, we continued talking to each other, and gradually he started expressing his sexual desires for me and wanted me to go to Germany where we could marry. I too wished to marry him but had all concerns about our families; therefore, I wanted some time in order to talk to my parents about this.
However, he didn’t have much time as his family in Egypt was already thinking about his marriage with a religious girl. Although he himself is a true Muslim, he didn’t want to marry that girl and rejected the offer several times. He even had a fight with his parents. But his parents forcefully fixed his marriage with this girl. He wanted to marry me, but my religion was his biggest concern.
Earlier, I was not in favor of changing my religion, but after realizing that it matters so much to him, I agreed to practice Islam.
Suddenly, last month, he stopped talking to me and after my continuous messages and calls for a week, he just replied by apologizing to me saying that we cannot go any further, and I should forget him. When we talked after a month, I came to know that he is getting married soon.
The situation now is that I truly love him and can do anything for him. I even know that he too loves me and want to marry me, but religion, family, society etc. are his concerns.
He says it would be a sin in the sight of Allah if he would marry me. I really don’t understand what should I do and how can I convince him. Please help me and guide me what is right and what is wrong, and what I should do.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Love requires sacrifice, communication, compromise, trust that grows stronger over time.
• Allow yourself to heal from this ordeal.
• Spend time with positive people.
• Know what you want in a significant other.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Sister,
Thank you for sending us your question. It is apparent that you are heartbroken about your recent break-up with this Muslim man.
Ending a relationship is always a difficult and stressful experience, especially if you allowed yourself to be emotionally dependent on your previous partner. Stay hopeful and patient, for hopefully, this delicate and overwhelming time will pass.
It is apparent from your written question that you have been infatuated with your previous partner. He also appeared to be infatuated with you.
I say infatuated and not love because both of you are more obsessed with the idea of being in love without really exercising love.
In reality, love is a verb, not a noun. No one can “fall in love.” Rather, one must work hard to reach true love. Love requires sacrifice, communication, compromise, trust that grows stronger over time.
It appears that both of you enjoyed spending time with each other and felt that the other person empathizes with you and has good intentions towards you.
In reality, you can have these feelings with anyone else. However, both of you don’t really have a history of overcoming obstacles, sacrificing for each other, and building a trusting bond as a foundation of your relationship.
Instead what happened was that both of you started a relationship that wasn’t serious in the first place since it was off and on and hanging by a thread.
It seems your relationship only continued because of convenience and because the other person was available. It ended because things were no longer convenient for him since the time came for him to get married to “a religious girl.” As a result, he ended things abruptly with you which left you heart-broken.
Check out this counseling video:
Please allow yourself to heal from this ordeal. It takes time for you to overcome the profound feelings that you are experiencing now so be patient with yourself.
Take care of yourself by spending time with positive people, engaging in positive activities, and doing things you enjoy doing. As you regain your strength and self-confidence again, review your previous relationship with yourself and learn from the experience.
Know yourself. Know what you want in a significant other. For next time, allow yourself to pick and choose the type of a man you want to be with.
Best wishes,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.