Every day all I am thinking about is that I am going to die. I am 19 years old. I have never before feared anything like that ever. I really need guidance on what should I do.
I am so stressed and in fear the whole day. Every night I think that if I'll sleep I am going to have another bad dream. I truly feel helpless right now.
Answer
Check out this counseling answer:
• Ask yourself this simple question. What is the likelihood that it will happen?
• Once you have talked yourself into recognizing how irrational that fear is, push yourself to go out and be social with them.
• Talking to your family or friends about this can help you relieve some of the stress it causes you.
• I suggest speaking with a medical professional to ensure you do not have a chemical imbalance or some type of condition that may require medication.
• Having a small light on might help with your fears at night.
v It is sunnah to make wudu before bed.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatuulahi wa barakatu.
My dear sister, I want to explain to you the difference between rational and irrational fear. Inshallah, this can help you talk yourself out of those fearful moments.
It is rational to feel fear if someone sees a growling dog on the road. It is irrational if they are afraid to walk down roads because they think a dog will find them.
It is rational to be afraid of drowning, but it is irrational to be afraid to take a shower because the water is going to drown them.
Just as much as it does not make sense to think turning on a shower will drown you, you can use that type of thinking pattern to talk yourself out of those high fear moments.
Self-Talk
For example. Let us say you are supposed to do something with friends, but you keep thinking about death. Ask yourself this simple question. What is the likelihood that it will happen? Once you tell yourself it is very unlikely, ask yourself why. That internal answer might sound like “I am healthy and not doing anything risky today”. Or any other rational answer.
Then ask yourself what is the likelihood that this is not going to happen today? Your answer will be something like “most likely it will not happen inshallah”. You are convincing yourself that this is irrational.
Once you have talked yourself into recognizing how irrational that fear is, push yourself to go out and be social with them. You may need to take breaks and remind yourself internally of the self-talk you had with yourself earlier.
Support
Talking to your family or friends about this can help you relieve some of the stress it causes you. This also strengthens your support network. Whenever these thoughts are in your mind and you struggle, it is a comfort to reach out to your trusted friend or family member.
Professional
Sister, sometimes people are paranoid about things to the extent that it takes over their life. This could be a result of previous trauma or an underlying medical condition.
I suggest speaking with a medical professional to ensure you do not have a chemical imbalance or some type of condition that may require medication. A medical professional can also provide you with local references for a professional therapist.
While we cannot diagnose you, here is some information on a phobia.
Symptoms associated with Thanatophobia when the person thinks about death:
- Panic attacks
- Dizziness or sweating
- Stomach cramps and/or nausea
- High anxiety
- Avoidance of people/isolating for long periods of time
- Emotional outbursts
- Symptoms persist for months
Common therapies include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, relaxation techniques and in some cases medication. Conquering phobias is very possible alhamdulillah, but it is easier if a trained professional help you navigate this. If you are not comfortable doing this in person, consider an online counselor.
Nightmares
You mention sleeping concerns and nightmares. Identify an object that comforts you and feels safe, such as a favorite pillow. When you lay down to rest, keep this object near you. It is a physical symbol for you to focus on when you feel stressed. Tell yourself in your mind “I am safe”.
Check out this counseling video:
If having a small light on helps, then do this.
You can also consider playing Quran on a phone near your bed or playing nature sounds if this relaxes you.
I also suggest looking into progressive relaxation apps for your phone. These can help you relax much deeper and feel safe while drifting to sleep.
It is sunnah to make wudu before bed. You can try to incorporate this into your nightly routine. When you are in bed, recite Ayat Al-Kursi. This will help to protect you inshallah.
If you do have a nightmare, consider the sunnah way of resolving this. Dryly spat to your left side (think of it like telling darkness to get away from you and you are spitting on it without fear), seek refuge in Allah (Swt) from Satan then roll over on the other side to sleep.
“A good dream that comes true is from Allah, and a bad dream is from Satan, so if anyone of you sees a bad dream, he should seek refuge with Allah from Satan and should spit on the left, for the bad dream will not harm him.” [Bukhari]
Death
It is not necessarily bad to think about death or contemplate on this subject. The idea is to find a healthy balance and understanding. Everyone dies one day and at that point, we are accountable for what we did during our life. Reflecting on death can serve as a motivator to do better, help more people and worship with more sincerity.
During those moments when you are focusing on this topic, don’t be worried to talk about death to Allah (Swt). Sit on your prayer mat and talk about how it makes you feel. Ask Allah to help you to be good and righteous before that day comes.
I don’t want you to fear thinking about death. Those thoughts in themselves are normal and not dangerous. Inshallah, as you move forward you can find a healthy level of pondering on death that is not debilitating and fearful for you.
Final Thoughts
Sister, here is a summary of your next steps moving forward.
Practice using self-talk to deescalate your fearful moments. Convince yourself it is irrational and most likely not going to happen.
Speak with a trusted friend or family about your struggles. Let them support and help you.
Consider speaking with a medical professional to determine if this has any underlying reasons.
Also, consider a professional therapist to help you overcome your phobia.
Utilize sunnah techniques in response to nightmares as well as other techniques to aid you in sleep.
May Allah (Swt) help you and grant you relief, ameen.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.