My mother is an educated, working woman. We are living in a rural area and she is a well-respected person here. The problem is that ever since 4 years ago she sort of became paranoid that she is under the influence of jaadu or sihr (magic or bewitchment).
In the beginning, she was just anxious and consulted many family members that her in-laws were doing sihr (magic) on her. Slowly she left everyone, started being alone, and doesn't believe in anybody. Her situation has recently worsened. She is so paranoid and doesn't let us use the internet stating that she is getting sihr through it.
She broke my father’s laptop and doesn’t even talk to her siblings or parents because she thinks this effect will reach them. She is a practicing Muslim, but all she does now is reading Quran, praying, cooking 2 times a day, and sleeping. She used to run a school here, but she left her job.
I have tried to convince her many times to consult an Imam or a psychologist, but she insists that she cannot go out of the house and that I should call these people to our home which is practically impossible. She says that she knows such thing that those people will believe or even research on those things.
Our home environment was never so great. My parents always had problems with each other but this is very depressing.
I have asked my aunts to convince and help my mother, but what else should I do to help her and how do I start? Is there any way that can help me convince her to reconsider her beliefs? Should I consult a scholar directly or does she need only clinical help?
Another thing which happens is that she sometimes she also gets physical problems, like getting lethargic or starts sweating profusely and she then starts shouting when this happens. Therefore, I also want to know if there is any way to know if someone is affected by sihr and how to overcome it.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•See the situation from her perspective; understand that as irrational as her thoughts may seem, they are very real to her.
•Perhaps you could seek some kind of online assistance from a scholar who might talk to her via your phone as well as online counseling. You may want to consider our paid counseling service.
•Remind her of the power of Allah.
•Go back and identify exactly what happened that caused her to start feeling this way.
•Ask her for evidence that sihr (magic) has been performed on her in this case.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
This must be a very distressing situation for you to be in, having watched your mother’s state deteriorate so terribly to the point where she seems to have completely disconnected from everyone and everything due to her paranoia.
This seems to have left her in a severe state of anxiety that affects both her physical and psychological health, to the point where she has quit her job and will no longer leave her house out of fear. It seems that your mother is in need of both clinical and spiritual intervention to ideally approach this from a holistic perspective.
See it from her perspective
Since she refuses to take any advice from you or her loved ones, the best place to start is to see things from her perspective. It’s easy for you to tell her that she has a problem and needs to seek help, but she doesn’t see it that way. So, if you can try seeing things from her perspective and understand the situation from her viewpoint you will be able to develop ways to approach the scenario that is more in line with her thinking.
Understand that as irrational as her thoughts may seem, they are very real to her. Whether or not someone has performed sihr on her, she genuinely believes that they have. Now, imagine how terrifying that must feel to know that someone has done this and how frightening it must be. Imagining yourself in that situation, how do you feel it would be best to encourage you to seek help?
You may see that to tell her she is wrong or that you don’t believe her may not successfully encourage her to seek help. Instead, perhaps empathizing with her and telling her that you understand how distressing it must be, and that it upsets you to see her like this and you want to help her, might be more encouraging as she will feel supported by you in her journey to recovery.
Seek online sources that could help her from home
As she will not leave the house or even go on the internet, perhaps you could seek some kind of online assistance from a scholar who might talk to her via your phone.
The same is also possible with online counseling and psychological intervention.
Tackle it from both a spiritual and psychological perspective.
Seek spiritual intervention
The cure for sihr is generally identified as performing Ruqyah. Since this does not have to involve going to see someone, or having someone come to her, encourage her to perform it on herself. That way she has full control over its performance and doesn’t need to feel paranoid about what someone else could be doing to her.
If she is unsure how to perform this, you can seek advice and guide her through the process. As a woman who is clearly devoted to her religion, such an intervention should be effective for her, In sha’ Allah. Even if she has not been afflicted by sihr, performing Ruqyah can be a good way to boost her connection and trust in Allah which will be another helpful route to recover from both spiritual and psychological illnesses.
Remind her of the power of Allah; that He has continued over everything, and that He has created the cure for all illness and let her find comfort in these things.
His command is only when He intends a thing that He says to it, “Be,” and it is. (Qur’an, 36:82)
Narrated Abu Huraira:The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “There is no disease that Allah has created, except that He also has created its treatment.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5678)
In sha’ Allah, this is the best form of cure for her condition if it is that she has truly been afflicted with sihr. However, it may be that what she is experiencing is a result of a mental health condition. If the spiritual intervention has little or no effect, then this may be the case. If this is so then she would require further psychological assistance.
Check out this counseling video:
Identify the root cause of her behavior
From a psychological perspective, go back and identify exactly what happened that caused her to start feeling this way. Was there a specific event that occurred that initiated this? Is there someone in particular that she believes has done this to her? By identifying such information, you can tackle the issue from the root. Psychological intervention would involve correcting her beliefs around how it all started to begin with.
Question her thoughts
A common method used in psychological interventions in such cases is to challenge any irrational beliefs. Asking the person for evidence that sihr has been performed on her in this case. What makes her think that it had been? Is there any evidence that it hasn’t been performed on her? How does she feel that the sihr is intended to affect her?
If she herself is given the chance to think about and reflect on these things it may help her realize that perhaps it didn’t happen, or that the effects are not as pronounced as she feels they are. It will encourage her to see things for a more realistic perspective.
This would be particularly effective if it is the case that what she is experiencing is a result of psychological illness. It can also be useful in dampening the effects if she has genuinely been afflicted with sihr.
However, such interventions are best practiced by a qualified psychologist or counselor as it could come across as confrontational if not delivered correctly. Regardless of whether her condition is a spiritual or psychological one, psychological assistance is recommended to assist her with factors such as withdrawal and paranoia. If she has been treated spiritually, then this task will be much easier as she is reassured that the spiritual aspect has been or is being treated.
Summary
In the case that your mother is suffering severely from withdrawal and anxiety as a result of believing she has been afflicted by sihr, it is important that she receives both spiritual and psychological counseling. As a family, you can support her by trying to see things from her perspective and approaching the situation accordingly.
Additionally, seeing online support from psychologists and scholars would enable you to bring the intervention to her without her needing to leave the house as she presently will not do. You can also encourage her to perform Ruqyah on herself and remind her of the mercy of Allah to bring her comfort and motivation.
Psychological intervention may help to challenge her beliefs in the case that what she is experiencing is in fact a psychological condition. It will also support her in overcoming the psychological consequences of her experience regardless of whether she has truly been afflicted with sihr of not.
May Allah reward your concern and efforts to support you mother and may He grant her a full recovery from her difficulties.
Amen,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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