I have been suffering from OCD for many years. To cure this illness, I tried everything. I’ve tried counselling and going to a Raqi, but to no avail. I am really giving up on everything. I get intrusive thoughts every time I try to study.
I couldn’t control my sexual desires, so I tried getting a massage to alleviate my desires. I feel so guilty every time I do this, as if I think I am a hypocrite. I pray regularly, but I cannot get over my thoughts. Now that I’m on the edge, I’m contemplating suicide as I can’t take it anymore.
One of the intrusive thoughts I often get is that I will not be successful in my life as I didn’t go to good university. I want to do something so that people will remember me, but I think my academic background is holding me back. Moreover, I want to be an Islamic scholar, but knowing that I am a hypocrite I don’t think I can be.
I have given up and I feel frustrated. Please help me.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• It would be best for you to seek counseling with a Muslim counselor who will be able to support you from an Islamic perspective,
• You can perform ruqya on yourself.
• Engage in increasing amounts of ibadah (worship), fast more often, make dhikr more often.
• Spend more time reading the Qur’an, pray more voluntary prayers, watch Islamic lectures, be with other brothers more often.
• Say all the recommended duaas (supplications) at various points during the day and during your daily activities.
Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh brother,
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been experiencing this problem for some time now. It must be very distressing for you, especially since you’ve tried various things to overcome it but couldn’t, and now you’re at a point where you feel suicidal.
Due to your intense feelings, I urge you to continue with the counseling, and perhaps even go to your doctor to discuss getting on medication. It might help alleviate your symptoms and make it easier for you to engage in other treatments such as counseling.
If possible, it would be best for you to seek counseling with a Muslim counselor who will be able to support you from an Islamic perspective. It seems that what you are experiencing is quite a severe case of waswas. In the meantime, there are some other things you can do to support yourself.
As well as going to a Raqi, you can perform ruqya on yourself, which is, in fact, more recommended than having someone do it for you. Get advice from your local Imam on how to do so.
Do all you can to stay close to Allah. Engage in increasing amounts of ibadah (worship), fast more often, make dhikr more often. Spend more time reading the Qur’an, pray more voluntary prayers, watch Islamic lectures, be with other brothers more often. Read your morning and evening adhkar for protection, and say all the recommended duaas (supplications) at various points during the day and during your daily activities.
How Satan Works
All these things will keep you close to Allah, in shaa’ Allah, and push the shaytan away. Increase doing these things gradually so that you don’t become so overwhelmed by them. Shaytan does not like to see people get closer to Allah, so fight through this trying time and, in shaa’ Allah, in time the whispering will cease as your bond with Allah grows.
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It is also important to be consistent with your acts of worship and not stop once the intrusive thoughts are gone, because they will find their way back into your head. Constantly focus on finding ways to keep your faith strong. This will not only help you get closer to Allah and push the waswas away, but also help you control your desires and avoid doing the things that make you feel guilty (such as going for massages as you mentioned).
You will also notice that as you implement these things and get closer to Allah, your thoughts about feeling like a hypocrite and not going to a good university will also disappear. As you get closer to Allah and realize what your true priorities in life are, you will come to see the irrelevance of your fears and worries, and the importance of pleasing Allah rather than people.
Use Your Own Experience
Striving to become an Islamic scholar is something that would be far more beneficial to you than going to a good university, so please don’t let thoughts that you can’t pursue it get in the way of your efforts.
It will be far more beneficial for you in this life and in the next, and perhaps you could even use your current experience to help others. There are many people who go through what you are going through, so you could be an open inspiration to help those in your situation reach the other side successfully by showing them that it is possible.
Use your own experience to inspire them and support them in their journeys. Doing so will give you a sense of purpose in an activity that is pleasing to Allah as you support others in their journey closer to Him.
May Allah ease your affairs and make your journey in this life and the next a fulfilling one filled with contentment and success.
Salam,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
