Q As salaam u alaikum.

I am in need of guidance regarding my marriage. Alhumdulillah I am married for 27 years and I am struggling with the decision whether to continue it or not. My husband has lied to me continuously during the last 12 years of our marriage. He always says white lies are permissible for the goodness of the family, but only he benefits from the lies. For example, he sends me out on errands and says he is too busy but uses the time to visit other women or talk to them on the phone.

He will not be intimate with me if I do not wear sexy undergarments. He used to have a porn addiction.

We always have the same arguments every 2 or 3 months as his behavior has not changed. Everything has to always be done his way. I am not allowed to say no to anything as he thinks it is disrespectful. He does not advise me if he changes his mind on an agreement and expects me to just accept things.

During the last few years I have been listening to how I will never be his equal and should not expect anything from him. He has declined to help in any emergency and this has made me self-sufficient yet he accuses me of being a man.

He has no relationship with his daughters and they are not on speaking terms. He refuses to apologise when he is wrong and during the last argument mentioned he will never apologies. This mentality has ensured there is no way moving forward as he has taken away the ability of forgiveness and healing in future. Due to his ways, the family unity is non existent.

I have sought counselling last year after being assaulted so I know not to trigger him but no matter what I do there is still a problem. My husband feels that he is the man of the house and what he says must happen even if it is harmful to the family or only beneficial to him. He currently wants to throw out our 26 year old daughter because he had to open the door for her as she could not find her keys.

I am unable to be intimate with him as I feel my emotional needs are not being met and also feel objectified. He carries on as per normal after an argument and will not apologise or try to fix the issue and that is why the same problem arises a month or two later.

He has refused counselling and I have told him not to approach the Islamic community as he is friend with the Imam and I am concerned of his reputation and the advice given will be for his benefit.

I feel as if we are unable to reach an agreement as he will not commit to honesty and that is a condition I will not compromise on. I am unsure as to how to go on. Thank you.