16 April, 2019
Q
I have been married for around 3 years and a half. My husband and I work and earn about the same, and our finances are completely separate. I take care of my own bills and he pays his own bills and the rent. He has no responsibility when it comes to me.
We visit my parents out of state every 4-6 months and they will give us frozen meat/chicken so it easy for us. I pay for our trips, for example, everything else other than the tickets is split between us. Up until now I have done the weekly groceries and he never offered once. If we go out to eat, he will pay once, and I will pay for next.
He doesn't spend time with me and would rather be on his phone, watching tv, or talking to his friends. He makes no effort to show me affection of any kind. I have done everything I possibly can; I even paid rent for 3 months when his mom was in the hospital because of cancer and I helped with other minor things that he needed to buy for his mom.
Yet, he still says that we have trust & communication issues. We have been to couple’s counseling, which helped a little, but he says we must work on ourselves. After his mom passed away, his dad and aunt got involved.
I don't mind his dad’s involvement, but his aunt made everything worse because he allowed her to meddle and now everyone in his family knows about us and all the bad things she said about me. I stayed in Pakistan for a month to take care of his mother and was told by his family that I didn’t do enough, and my husband never spoke up or even said thank you.
After this, I lost all my love for him. Now the weddings of his brothers are coming up and he is expecting me to buy my own ticket to Pakistan, and pitch in 50% for gifts for both couples which he estimates to be around $1500 -$2000 in total for gifts.
When I got married into his family, all I received was an artificial necklace set and two small gold bangles which broke the very next day. I received nothing from his brothers personally and his older brother, who is already married, gave me around $70 and a dress from his wife, which she received as gift on her own wedding.
I don’t feel comfortable doing any of this and I don't know how to talk to him. I feel like I have done more than enough, and I never even received a thank you. I am strongly thinking about leaving him because even after all of this, there is no understanding. I just need some more guidance because I have had enough, and I am at the edge of leaving him.
We visit my parents out of state every 4-6 months and they will give us frozen meat/chicken so it easy for us. I pay for our trips, for example, everything else other than the tickets is split between us. Up until now I have done the weekly groceries and he never offered once. If we go out to eat, he will pay once, and I will pay for next.
He doesn't spend time with me and would rather be on his phone, watching tv, or talking to his friends. He makes no effort to show me affection of any kind. I have done everything I possibly can; I even paid rent for 3 months when his mom was in the hospital because of cancer and I helped with other minor things that he needed to buy for his mom.
Yet, he still says that we have trust & communication issues. We have been to couple’s counseling, which helped a little, but he says we must work on ourselves. After his mom passed away, his dad and aunt got involved.
I don't mind his dad’s involvement, but his aunt made everything worse because he allowed her to meddle and now everyone in his family knows about us and all the bad things she said about me. I stayed in Pakistan for a month to take care of his mother and was told by his family that I didn’t do enough, and my husband never spoke up or even said thank you.
After this, I lost all my love for him. Now the weddings of his brothers are coming up and he is expecting me to buy my own ticket to Pakistan, and pitch in 50% for gifts for both couples which he estimates to be around $1500 -$2000 in total for gifts.
When I got married into his family, all I received was an artificial necklace set and two small gold bangles which broke the very next day. I received nothing from his brothers personally and his older brother, who is already married, gave me around $70 and a dress from his wife, which she received as gift on her own wedding.
I don’t feel comfortable doing any of this and I don't know how to talk to him. I feel like I have done more than enough, and I never even received a thank you. I am strongly thinking about leaving him because even after all of this, there is no understanding. I just need some more guidance because I have had enough, and I am at the edge of leaving him.
Answer
In this counseling video, you will learn:
Be honest about your feelings and the decisions you make; tell directly to him.
Consider becoming more vulnerable to your husband to build emotional intimacy.
Express to him that you are hurt and disappointed. Simply. Don’t argue, or be disrespectful.
If you do your part, give him the opportunity to respond to your hurt, and if he still does not care, then maybe you can talk about divorce.