04 June, 2018
Q
I am living a long distance marriage here in Europe with a man in Pakistan. We have been living apart since marriage for two years with the hope that he will come live by me as soon he can.
He has a job in PK and has a wife and two kids and supports his parents and his married brother who is also working. I am living here and cannot travel until the custody case with kid's dad is sorted. Our agreement was that my husband come live with me as soon he can but because my salary is not up to the required standards he can't come live with me through marriage visa.
In these two years of marriage, he has not been providing and I have not been asking because he says that with the change of currency what he sends me will be demised. So, I left matters that way because I find it lowly that a woman asks repeatedly to be provided for by her man. It's something he should do from his own will.
For now, he sees that it is materialistic that I ask him to provide and he threatens to divorce and send me my mahr if I am not happy with the situation of him not providing.
My question is, if he can't provide for me, why he went for a second marriage? If he is not ready to provide, why he was not open and clear about it from day one? Why when I say that's it's not materialistic and it's Islamic to provide for one’s wife he comes up with many reasons to not provide: - that I do not live with him - that currency difference between PK and euro is high -that I disobey him by not going to live in PK, when from the beginning I told him why for now I can't relocate. -that he threatens to divorce if I ask nafaqah
Why are these his reactions? I know he comes from shafii school of thought. Is this why he can't understand my needs and sees me in the wrong? Am I being a bad wife when I give him as much time I can through internet which is our only means of communication and I fulfill his sexual needs as much he asks?
I travelled to him twice in two years...first to consume our marriage and the next year to try have a child...we don't have a child in common...but for now I ask myself does this man really care about my needs when he has ability provide for his working father (travel agency) his working married brother(accountant) and his wife and kids...what am I to him then?
My apologies if I have mention details that are too private, but it's to clarify the situation for the counselor. Jazakumullahu khayran
He has a job in PK and has a wife and two kids and supports his parents and his married brother who is also working. I am living here and cannot travel until the custody case with kid's dad is sorted. Our agreement was that my husband come live with me as soon he can but because my salary is not up to the required standards he can't come live with me through marriage visa.
In these two years of marriage, he has not been providing and I have not been asking because he says that with the change of currency what he sends me will be demised. So, I left matters that way because I find it lowly that a woman asks repeatedly to be provided for by her man. It's something he should do from his own will.
For now, he sees that it is materialistic that I ask him to provide and he threatens to divorce and send me my mahr if I am not happy with the situation of him not providing.
My question is, if he can't provide for me, why he went for a second marriage? If he is not ready to provide, why he was not open and clear about it from day one? Why when I say that's it's not materialistic and it's Islamic to provide for one’s wife he comes up with many reasons to not provide: - that I do not live with him - that currency difference between PK and euro is high -that I disobey him by not going to live in PK, when from the beginning I told him why for now I can't relocate. -that he threatens to divorce if I ask nafaqah
Why are these his reactions? I know he comes from shafii school of thought. Is this why he can't understand my needs and sees me in the wrong? Am I being a bad wife when I give him as much time I can through internet which is our only means of communication and I fulfill his sexual needs as much he asks?
I travelled to him twice in two years...first to consume our marriage and the next year to try have a child...we don't have a child in common...but for now I ask myself does this man really care about my needs when he has ability provide for his working father (travel agency) his working married brother(accountant) and his wife and kids...what am I to him then?
My apologies if I have mention details that are too private, but it's to clarify the situation for the counselor. Jazakumullahu khayran
Answer
Salam Aleikom,
In this counseling video, you will learn:
• The responsibility of a husband toward her wife
• Some techniques you can decide whether your marriage is worth staying in.
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