When my colleagues asked me about what I am going to bring and I say I am thinking of not going, some of them started talking with me in a rude manner. This is my first Christmas at this place. Please help me survive it without being fired!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Sister, insha’Allah do not worry about the Christmas party. If asked again, just state you won’t be able to attend (if you decide not to go) but you wish that everybody going will have a wonderful time. You can also indicate or state your appreciation of the company for having a party for its employees and leave it at that.
• Trying to separate the emotions and reasons can often help reduce the anxiety.
• Unless something is said directly about your being Muslim, I would kindly suggest that insha’Allah, you try not to read more into it than what is it-just a rude person!
• You cannot get fired for not going to a Christmas party.
As-salaam Alaykum,
Thank you for writing to us. Your question and concerns about whether to participate in holiday events are ones that many Muslims may face around Christmas times. It can be anxiety-provoking when you are trying to be nice, yet back out of an invitation.
Sister, this is just what it is an invitation. This means that you are under no legal or social obligation to go. It means you have a choice to choose if you want to go or not.
Logically, one would think perhaps you had other plans or as a Muslim it is not the kind of party which is conducive to your lifestyle. They even may have had previous Muslim co-workers/employees who did attend Christmas parties. As a Muslim, if you do not feel comfortable you should not be made to feel as if you should go, nor should you self-impose stress over your decision not to.
On the other hand, you could go and bring a dish and leave early. Some Muslims (and others) do that to be cordial.
Social Pressure
I understand that social pressure and expectations exist. However, we can sometimes think that the pressure is bigger than it actually is. This can be a common misconception when we are the only Muslim at an organization. It almost feels like “all eyes are on me” when in fact no “eyes” may be on you (in that way) or if so only a few nosy ones, or ones who would actually like to spend some “non-office” time with you as a friend.
Social pressure may be a bit stronger in a smaller office setting or company wherein there are fewer employees as it is a more intimate setting. Often times co-workers will view you as part of the “office family” dynamic and indeed display disappointment when you state you are not planning to attend. They may take it as a personal rejection of their friendship or comradery, when in fact they shouldn’t. When this happens, the person usually gets over their disappointment and forgets all about it soon after the holidays.
Not Everyone Is A Party Person
Sister, other people chose not to go to office Christmas parties who are not Muslim. Yet, you feel you may be stigmatized because you chose not to go and you are Muslim. What if you were not Muslim and did not go? Would you feel the same way?
Trying to separate the emotions and reasons can often help reduce the anxiety. There are other people besides Muslims who do not like or enjoy going to parties and being around drinking, dancing, and socializing. It is an individual choice with many variables.
Another example is New Year’s Eve. I can remember as a child that everyone who was of age was out drinking and partying. Now, the number of people who chose to stay home on New Year’s Eve has increased as more and more people are living healthier, choosing not to drink as well as feel safer in their own homes. While these are not for the spiritual reason (as in being Muslim) they are values and choices none the less that others do accept.
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I do understand that for us as Muslims, it may be more of a sensitive issue due to cases of Islamaphobia. However, we cannot always project that this will be the reason or response for co-workers dismay. We cannot assume that they are questioning us or being rude because we are Muslim. They may react to anyone that way who is not going. Unless something is said directly about your being Muslim, I would kindly suggest that insha’Allah, you try not to read more into it than what is it-just a rude person! On the other hand, if they do make a negative statement in regards to your being Muslim and not wanting to go, then that is another story and should be handled differently. However, you have not indicated that that is the case.
Office Relationships
Sister, what is your relationship with your bosses and co-workers? Are you on friendly terms? Do they treat you with respect? If so, then they should be understanding of your values and position. At one of my places of employment, I was the only Muslim. However, during our office lunches when they would order a pizza they would order one without pepperoni for myself and others who did not eat pork. I found that a lot of my co-workers (who were not Muslim) did not eat pork. Perhaps you will find that some of your co-workers do not drink alcohol either and chose not to go to the party or go but stay for a short time for “appearances”.
Often we find that we do have similar values with those whom we think we do not! Perhaps after you have been at your place of employment for a longer period of time you will find those who share similar values when it comes to drinking and partying.
Office Moral
Sister, there is no hard rule stating that you have to go to an office Christmas party. In fact, as stated, many people do opt out or only stay for a short time to show respect for the company. While you may feel as if you are going against the grain and it is expected of you, it is your right not to go. You cannot get fired for not going to a Christmas party. Nor should your boss think that you’re an extremist.
As stated, a lot of people do not attend office Christmas parties. The ones that usually do, are the ones who have been there the longest and are all very close friends with each other or have been colleagues for some time. It is a time when colleagues do get together drink, dance, eat and enjoy each others company in a non-business environment. If you’re not comfortable with that, then you should not feel like you have to go. If someone asks you if you’re going to the party or what you’re going to bring, and you decide not to go, all you have to tell them is that you wish them a fun time but your sorry you won’t be able to attend.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation unless of course, you want to discuss why you do not want to go from a religious or personal perspective.
Some Muslims do explain their religious values concerning drinking and parties in an effort to educate, others do not. Whatever you decide will suffice. Just remember to be kind and respectful regarding their choices as you would want them to be of yours. You can stay in the spirit of wishing them well and expressing that they will have a good time and enjoy themselves. You can display your happiness for them and their enthusiasm for their party without compromising your values.
Conclusion
Sister, insha’Allah do not worry about the Christmas party. If asked again, just state you won’t be able to attend (if you decide not to go) but you wish that everybody going will have a wonderful time. You can also indicate or state your appreciation of the company for having a party for its employees and leave it at that.
Insha’Allah after the New Year, things will go back to normal at the office. The holidays have a way of getting people excited about socializing and partying but when it passes, so too does their expectations for everyone to participate. I imagine this will pass quickly sister and next season you will be more confident, relaxed and better prepared to address any party questions.
We wish you the best!
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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