I have become extremely concerned about my behavior, especially now during Ramadan. People have told me that by losing my temper I am invalidating my fast. I have begun visiting the mosque frequently and spending time with other brothers and it has helped a little bit. But what else can you recommend? Please help! I want to do my best in these last 10 days of Ramadan!
Answer
In this counseling service:
• If you find yourself becoming angry about something and you are standing up, break the sequence of events and sit down instead of remaining standing.
• Seek refuge in Allah.
• Make wudu’.
• Try your best to think before you speak or react.
• If someone makes you angry, do not argue with them or fight with them but say to them instead, “I am fasting.”
• Have a physical check-up as there may be some physiological problems associated with your hot temper such as high blood pressure.
Wa ‘Aleikom Salam,
There are actually many books, courses, and seminars that help people deal with their anger. However, these anger management tips will never be able to parallel the advice of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw). He has advised us to control our anger and recommended a series of actions to help us overcome the inclination to become angry.
First, if one is standing, one should sit down. If you find yourself becoming angry about something and you are standing up, break the sequence of events and sit down instead of remaining standing.
Seek refuge in Allah and also try to put into perspective what it is you are getting angry about before saying anything.
Second, if we are sitting and we become angry, we are to lie down. It is also recommended that we make wudu’ as this will help us to move away from the place of anger and freshen up.
You want to try your best to think before you speak or react. It seems that your thinking time is quite short and this leaves very little time between experiencing a certain phenomenon and immediately reacting. It might sound a cliché, but one of the best exercises for this is to count until ten before saying something. Try it!
In Ramadan, especially, we suggest that you take advantage of another practice of the Prophet Muhammad (saw). If someone makes you angry, do not argue with them or fight with them but say to them instead, “I am fasting.” (An-Nasa’i) Seek forgiveness for yourself and seek the protection of Allah (SWT) in keeping your anger under control.
Check out this counseling video:
You must do everything possible to control your anger while you are driving. You will not only affect your ability to think clearly, but you will also be giving a bad impression of Muslims if you mistreat other drivers on the road. What’s the worst problem they can cause you? Perhaps they might make you a few minutes late or startle you with a sudden lane change. While that bad driver is long gone, you will still be upset and that helps no one.
Finally, you might also want to have a physical check-up as there may be some physiological problems associated with your hot temper such as high blood pressure, for example.
In sha’Allah, this helps. And Allah knows best.
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