Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Many factors and forces contribute to an environmental context where suicide might be considered an option. Indeed, economic hardships, families are torn by rape, a region in conflict, rapid cultural changes which cause a generation gap and the communication problems between young people and their parents.
• The actual cause of suicide is disconnection. When we are disconnected from God, we are disconnected from ourselves.
• The psychology of suicide is one of hopelessness and helplessness.
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Wa ‘Alaykum As-Salam,
This is a profound question and I would like to address this sensitive subject in the spirit of compassion for those who have lost their lives due to suicide and for the families who grieve for them. Indeed, this is a tragedy.
On March 3, 2012, roughly 17,000 suicides were reported since the insurrection that began in 1989. This number may very well be an underestimate. Most suicides in Jammu and Kashmir are committed by females between the ages of 17 to 26; however, the rate of young men is increasing as well. These suicides continue at an unprecedented rate today. A recent report of Pakistan Observer stated that “A study of 2013 reveals 242 men and 129 women commit suicide every day in India”.
Many factors and forces contribute to an environmental context where suicide might be considered an option. Indeed, economic hardships, families are torn by rape, a region in conflict, rapid cultural changes which cause a generation gap and the communication problems between young people and their parents. They all contribute to an environment where suicide can flourish.
Much has happened with the people of Kashmir in the last 25 years, which is only one generation. The combination of trauma and change, including modernization, triggers a combination of fear based on behaviors like hypervigilance, grief, a sense of loss of identity and often a questioning of faith. While young people may not understand why their elders hold on to tradition and model of family that increases the probability of sustaining family wealth, parents and grandparents fear of the replacement of family structure by institutions.
Where once one’s identity was defined and refined within the families’ cultural structure, young people today must search for who they are in a world that never existed before, without any guide who would have traveled their path before them. Lack of opportunities, a generation gap, women struggling to choose between traditional arranged marriage and the emerging identities which result from the movement toward empowerment, economic hardship, and the traumas that families have experienced since the ongoing conflicts in the region: all are existing social problems.
However, the psychological perspective sees these factors as contributing factors and not the cause of suicide. This in no way minimizes the importance of addressing the contributory factors. Indeed, we will want to address each contributing factor as the alleviation of these factors which will no doubt help to treat the core cause.
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The actual cause of suicide is disconnection. When we are disconnected from God, we are disconnected from ourselves. In a world that does not change, we can be fooled into believing that the identity which we perceive our self to be is real, but in a changing world like ours, it is difficult to develop a sustainable sense of self and identity. With that said, as the world is changing now, it is becoming ever more difficult to relate to any particular way of being or any particular identity. Whatever identity we settle on, it is not safe from being changed by factors that are beyond our control. Thus, the only way to connect to who we really are is to connect with God.
Now, the concept of God is being challenged and it is natural. Indeed, the truth is that all of our human concepts of God are false, and when someone finds herself/himself in a world that is changing at such an exponential rate, this individual will find it difficult to feel connected to God when one cannot find a concept of God to hold on to. But in reality, God is beyond concepts.
The psychology of suicide is one of hopelessness and helplessness. When an individual faces to live in a world where one feels not having influence over, and feels that there is no hope, one is helpless to change things for the better. This individual will no doubt become very depressed. But this alone will not be enough to cause a person to take his/her own life.
The core root of completed suicide is a perception that one cannot connect with other human beings in any meaningful way. At the end of the day, the bottom line is: does anyone love me? Does anyone care? Do “I” mean anything to anyone at all? When an individual is absolutely convinced that there is no hope of ever belonging or connecting in a meaningful way, then suicide can seem like a positive choice to escape the extreme emotional suffering that is caused by the perception of being disconnected. With that said, it is rarely the case when the individual, who believes that he/she is not loved, cared about, or valued, isn’t actually loved, cared about, or valued. In fact, most families are very distraught when their daughter or son has committed suicide.
It is about the perception the individual has about the feeling of belonging to somewhere, that one’s feelings and ideas are important, and one matters to one’s family. We have each other, because we have God (or rather because God has us), and we have God because we have each other. This is why we cannot separate these and why we must have a human connection.
The truth is: no one knows where we are heading for. The changes in Kashmir are an echo of global changes everywhere. We are collectively asking ourselves: “how will we preserve that which is good for humanity in the coming years?”, and “will we preserve humanity in the future?” We are not just modernizing on Earth, but we are now colonizing the space!
It is quite possible that the last time human beings experienced this extreme rate of change was with the advent of the written word few thousand years ago. So, we must call forth the basic principle that saved us then, to save us now. That is our connection with each other and our connection with God, even if we cannot sustain a permanent picture in our collective mind of what the Source of All Creation looks like. We can feel with/within us all. This is our hope, and we will find our way, insha’Allah.
We begin by keeping the lines of communication open. We sustain by opening up dialogue. We empower each other by increasing faith, by listening and not judging, by joining with a spirit of love and the willingness to share thoughts with each other. Young and old and everyone in between, we move forward and usher in hope when we work toward co-creating a shared vision of a future for humanity. If we can conceptualize where we want to go from here, then with God’s help, we can get there. Therein lies hope, and it is with God that we are empowered and are no longer helpless. It is with this consciousness that we can overcome our fear of living and of the challenges we face in the light of the exponential rate of change which we are currently experiencing.
The youth might find that there is much value in preserving the wisdom of their parents and ancestors. The mature might find creative ways to integrate the principles which have sustained them and their ancestors thus far, into the new and strange world of their children. And families might seek out creative ways to sustain their bonds, talk, love, and respect, hear and listen to each other, and keep an open heart.
With that said, I admit I have not addressed the many contributing factors to the region. Each contributing factor from forced marriage, to economic hardship, too traumatized family systems must be brought to the table for dialogue with both the young adults and the mature parents and grandparents with an awareness that many changes are happening in the cultural, economic, and political structure of our world. They need to have an agreement to find mutually respectful and honorable ways to adjust to these changes while preserving the principles that make us human beings.
Salam,
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