Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,
Thank you for writing. I am sorry to hear of your loneliness and despair that your husband is away so much. It must be hard to manage things alone and looking forward to the weekends only to see that he spends his time with friends or workmates.
Oftentimes, men don’t understand that their wives need them, that their wives need nurturing, affection, romance and the basic supports of running a home. Oftentimes, a husband thinks he is doing his part if he is providing for his family food, clothes, shelter, and so forth. However, there is much more in a marriage than that.
Al Islam states that „A woman is a center of kindness and a being who is completely emotional. Her existence depends on compassion and affection. She longs to be loved by others and the more the better. She sacrifices herself a great deal in order to seek popularity. This character is so strong in her that if she realizes nobody loves her, then she regards herself as a failure. She becomes disappointed in herself and feels dejected. Therefore, certainly one can claim that the secret of a successful man in a happy marital life is his expression of love towards his wife.”
So, we can see sister that in Islam a wife’s feelings and needs are to be cherished. Also, as Islam is a religion of balance, your husband must realize that he needs to balance out his life to include time with his family, especially his wife, to maintain that loving marital connection.
As you stated, you have spoke with him about this; therefore, I ask dear sister that you address this again from an Islamic perceptive.
“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (30:21)
You will find many more surahs and hadiths concerning this as Allah (swt) has put great emphasis on balance in our lives as well as loving relationships between spouses.
If your husband still fails to take heed, I suggest that you both engage in marital counseling. Even if it is just you who goes at first, you will learn different communication styles as well as coping techniques.
I also suggest in sha’ Allah that you seek out advice from your Imam at the masjid and speak with him. Perhaps, your husband will be more willing to “stop and listen” to another man’s perspective, especially an Imam.
You are in our prayers sister. Please let us know how you are doing.
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