Q Assalaamu'alaikum,

I hope you're able to help me out with my marital issue I'm dealing with.

I'm born and raised in Europe and after I graduated I went to my Islamic home country for a gap year. There my family introduced me to a pious and decent man who's willing to get married. He came by and we talked.

I found him nice and good-looking but we just met so we didn't know too much about each other's personalities. After the first conversation he had to go on a business trip outside the country and we hadn't spoken to each other since. I told my family my feelings are positive because so far I had a good impression of him.

While he was out of the country, he contacted my parents to do research about me and it seemed he was satisfied with their answers so he proposed to me two months later. During those months I started to hesitate a lot because I did not know this man very well.

Also, I did not hold any feelings for him nor did I feel chemistry yet. My family started to make arrangements for the wedding and I felt I was under a lot of pressure to say yes.

I performed salat istikharah and kept on making dua to Allah to not let me get married to him if he wouldn't be good for me. Being under a lot of pressure, I agreed. The wedding process went very smooth and after the wedding, I moved to my home country.

Here's the problem, even though my husband is a very sweet, generous and religious man, I never have felt sexually attracted to him. When we started to become intimate I felt nothing, no chemistry at all. It's kinda impossible for us to have intercourse since I just don't feel sexually aroused when he's touching or kissing me.

My heart isn't even beating fast, it feels like being kissed by my brother or so. I really don't know what to do, it has been two years now since we got married and I still don't feel anything.

He cannot penetrate me simply because I'm not aroused and I don't get wet underneath. I find it really gross when he's kissing me. I even start to avoid him when he wants to get intimate.

I really hoped my feelings for him would change after two years of marriage but it just doesn't. So far we still haven't consummated our marriage. We stopped trying as we kept on failing.

When I was a teenager and when I went to college, I loved to fantasize about sex, it really made me excited, so I know how it feels to really become sexually excited. When I try to fantasize about my husband I don't feel anything at all, probably because I know the feeling when he's approaching me in real life.

My husband really loves me a lot I can tell from all the things he does for me and he does enjoy being intimate with me even though we are not having intercourse. When he tells me he loves me I have difficulties replying the same thing back to him.

After we married, we found out we both are a different type of person. We share different interests and humor. He's a kind of person who is interested in the world such as in politics, science, history etc. He loves to debate about those topics too. I on the other hand prefer casual talks and am usually not interested in the topics he's interested in. We're communicating at a different level.

At home we do have daily conversations, talking about things that interest us both, and we do have fun. It's really not that bad. We like to tell each other stories about what we experienced and sometimes we're playing games online. We often go to lectures together and try to practice our religion as best as possible. He's very generous, loving, patient and treats me with much respect. He really fears Allah and always tries to fulfill his rights and obligations as a husband.

All the basic ingredients for having a stable relationship seem to be present, except for the interest, humor and chemistry part. I feel like I miss this emotional and intimate connection with my partner. He provides me all my primary needs yet it seems he cannot provide me my emotional and physical needs.

I also miss the laughter which I usually shared with my friends and brother I always enjoy when I'm with them. But when my husband and I go out to do something fun, we often don't know what to talk about. We have traveled to different countries together but I found it quite boring actually.

My mum worries about me and questions if I'm really happy with him. She noticed that we have very superficial conversations and she doesn't see much affection when we interact.

My husband is not a person who can talk very openly about his feelings. He's not used to having deep conversations either. I never told him how I truly feel about this relationship or that I'm not sexually into him. That would break his heart.

I'm really considering about getting a divorce. I think we both deserve better. Since a while, I started out daydreaming marrying someone else. I want a love marriage with normal sexual relations.

However, I do plan to see a doctor to get a check up for any health issues and a psychologist for any mental issues.

Still, I'm being skeptical since there were no feelings or chemistry to begin with. Since my husband frequently shuts down when I'm addressing this issue, I feel like I'm on my own solving this.

I never experienced (sexual) abuse/trauma and never have I experienced severe health issues. I never had a boyfriend in the past either.

Can you please advise me on how to deal with this situation? Jazaakumullahu khairan.