My husband only listens to his mom. Behind them, she behaves totally differently. When I tell this to my husband or father in law, they don't believe me. Now because of my mother in law, I keep fighting with my husband. Our relationship has become very weak now. It's at the edge of getting divorced.
I have 1year old daughter. I don't want her to lose her father. I know the pain of living without father. I lost my dad. He passed away when I was just 7 years old.
My husband does not love me because of our daily fights. Now he wants to leave me. He does not trust me or take my side. He always insults me the front of his family telling I have to be a slave to him and his family.
Please, help me and advise me.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Organize time alone for you and your husband.
- Try marriage counseling.
- Take care of yourself.
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa barakatuh sister,
It is very common for wives to experience difficulties with their mothers-in-law. It is also unfortunate that in many cases, like yours, this comes at the cost of difficulties with the spouse.
You feel like it’s heading towards divorce. At the same time, you have a child together and didn’t want her to grow up without a father as you did. Even with this point aside, marriage is so highly valued in Islam that it is recommended to do all you can to save the marriage. Consider divorce as a last option.
There are several things you could consider in your circumstance.
Firstly, try and improve relations with your mother-in-law and husband by remaining calm and kind to them. Repel their bad behavior with good.
Behaving like this towards them as difficult and unjust as it may seem may actually serve to turn their hearts towards. It becomes difficult to insult someone if they are only kind to you.
It may be that to be the first one to make the move here, but they are me likely to respond kindly to you if you are kind to them.
Secondly, organize time alone for you and your husband. Have quality time together without your in-laws around. This is a useful way to rekindle things in your marital relations and strengthen your relationship.
Try to make this a regular thing that you can look forward to each week. Use this space to talk about old times, the things that you love about each other and good times you’ve had to rekindle what was once between you.
If your relationship is strong it will also make it easier to bare difficulties with tour mother-in-law too.
Check out this counseling video:
Firstly, if your husband is agreeable, you could try marriage counseling. This will give you both the chance to openly and honestly discuss the situation in a safe environment. It will allow you both to have your say and explore ways to improve the situation.
You could even seek this type of support from a local imam who would further be able to advise you from an Islamic perspective also.
Finally, what you are going through is very stressful and will be impacting heavily on your psychological health. It is, therefore, very important to take care of yourself very well at this time.
Make time for yourself away from the situation.
Spend time with friends or take up a hobby that will keep you busy in something aside from your current difficulties. This will provide you with space to be absent from that for a short time in order to have a bit of positivity. This gives you a boost in your capacity to manage the difficulties.
May Allah guide you to overcome the difficulties you are facing in your family at present and bring you happiness and contentment in your family.
Salam,
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