Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,
When a couple get married, not only do they become part of each others’ individual lives, but they become part of the wider family. Therefore, it is good to maintain healthy relationship with his own parents, siblings, and with yours to ensure contentment within the family. However, if one side of the family behaves disrespectfully to the spouse, then this can create difficulties not just within the family, but between the marital relationship, too. That can cause a great amount of stress because in an ideal situation both families will accept the new spouse into the family.
Every family is different, even if they are from the same cultural or ethnic background and will have different expectations from other family members. They will also have different definitions of what it is to be disrespectful. It might be that his family is not actually disrespecting you, but that is simply just their way of behaving. Maybe they don’t even have any ill-feelings towards you.
However, understand that it is hard for parents to let go of their child when they get married and move on and no longer rely on them as they once did when they were a child. Sometimes, that can result in a feeling of resentment towards the new spouse as the one that took their child away from them. Regardless of who it was that their son would go on and marry, this would have been the same situation and so may be nothing personal against you – the disrespect would have been disrespected towards whoever he was to marry.
Islamically, the best way to respond to any negative acts towards you is to respond with that which is better, even if it is simply saying nothing. This is very difficult, especially when the people who are behaving negatively towards you are those that are close to you, but, with patience, the reward with Allah is better than retaliating or behaving angrily towards them.
Not responding to their insults will also show to them that you are not the bad person they are trying to portray you. By not responding and not letting it impact on your marriage, they may well stop the insults when they see that it is not getting to you or effecting your life in anyway. They will come to realise that their efforts to put you down are entirely fruitless. Find comfort in knowing that you have responded in the most appropriate way and Allah will reward your patience and perseverance.
The important thing is that you do not allow your relationship with his family impact on your marital relationship. Maybe he is angry at you because he is not listening to any of the lies that they are telling him about you, but you think that he is? Did you try speaking to him about it? Sometimes it is miscommunication or hidden assumptions that can cause this discord between husband and wife.
If he doesn’t know how you feel about the whole situation and why you have asked for a divorce, then he will be left confused and angry. Understand that they are his parents and he is obliged to take care of and respect them, except if they are doing something against the principles of Islam. Perhaps if he understands how you feel due to his family’s behaviour towards you, then he can approach them in a way that he knows works best with them. He knows them well enough to know how best to approach the subject most appropriately with them that perhaps you can overcome these differences with them and mend poor relations.
May Allah (swt) bring you ease in your situation and make relations easier with your husband’s family. May He bring you and your husband strength to face these issues and overcome them successfully.
Salam,
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