My husband is violent and abusive. After one incident I called the cops and he was sent to jail.
I do not have any intentions of pressing charges against him.
He cursed me and made dua against me.
I'm worried as to how will I save myself from his dua against me?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
You showed courage and did the right thing when you reported him to the police.
It is your choice to stay with him or not. If you choose to leave him then I suggest ensuring your safety first. He will not react well to this decision and will try to blame you.
Try the visualization exercise to see which possible future gives you the most happiness.
Consider professional counseling for yourself, consider marriage counseling if you decide to stay with him.
Make frequent duaa and rely upon Allah (swt).
Assalamu alaikum,
Thank you for writing in and taking this step to seek further help. It is my understanding you had your husband arrested and could possibly keep him locked up for a long period of time if you press charges.
I also understand your relationship is toxic, hurtful and you are asking how to protect yourself from the power of his duaa.
Sister, to begin with, you showed courage and did the right thing when you reported him to the police. I would advise to reconsider maintaining the statement. Ask yourself an important question, are you sure you want him out of prison? Is this man a danger to you or others outside of prison? I know it is not easy to reflect on these questions, but it is important.
Visualization
Sister, I would like to try a visualization exercise. During this, pay close attention to how you feel: does your heart rate change, any physical changes, do you feel happy or sad, any fear etc.
Please sit down in a comfortable position and location where you will not worry about anyone walking in and you feel able to relax.
Close your eyes and take 4 slow and deep breaths. Then imagine your husband is in prison right now and not getting out soon. Imagine he is no longer a part of your life, you are divorced and working on your happiness.
Look around this visual, what is your life like? How does it make you feel?
For the next one, imagine your husband is free from prison and in the same room with you. Imagine you are married to him for the rest of your life.
Think about how a typical week with him feels right now, this feeling repeats and never improves. Look around this visual of a potential future, what is that life like?
I expect you felt more positivity in the first visualization and the second may have elicited some hurtful emotions. Sister, I want you to be honest with yourself. Can you be happy with this man?
Stay or Leave
It is your choice to stay with him or not. If you choose to leave him then I suggest ensuring your safety first. He will not react well to this decision and will try to blame you.
Once aggression does not work, he might engage in something called love bombing. This is when a person engages in overly sweet and affectionate behavior that is not typical for them and their intention is to influence what the other person does.
It is a form of manipulation and based upon all you said in your question, one can see he is a manipulative man.
Ensure you have a safe place to stay where you can focus on your own goals and happiness. I suggest reaching out to family and friends that will support you during this transition.
If you decide to stay in this marriage, I strongly encourage both of you to engage in marital counseling with a professional.
I would make this mandatory for moving forward, the relationship cannot continue how it has been and a professional can act as a buffer and explain his behaviors to him.
“…And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah . Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].”
Check out this counseling video:
Duaa Protection
Sister, you asked about protecting yourself and others from his duaa. As part of the creation, we cannot fully comprehend and understand how duaa are answered or denied and how Allah (most honored and revered) responds.
We have a base understanding that they are answered, and certain conditions are said to increase the likelihood of this. While we cannot fully understand all of this, we can rely upon the fact that Allah (swt) is all aware and knowing.
He is Al-Alim, The All-Knowing, The Omniscient, The Certain-Knowing. Surely, Allah (swt) knows all this situation and hears your duaa and understands what is happening. Trust in Allah (swt) and do not hesitate to let all of this out on the prayer mat and in your own duaa. Talk to Allah (swt) as much as you want.
“[ Allah ] said, “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear and I see”
Counseling
Sister, I encourage you to consider professional counseling. You have endured hurtful experiences with this man and have emotional scars to heal.
A professional can help walk you through this while you navigate the healing process. You can do this online or in person, whichever is most comfortable and beneficial for you.
You can also consider Islamic counseling, such as Noor Human Consulting, if you want it to be from an Islamic perspective.
Final Thoughts
Dear Sister, here is a summary of your next steps moving forward.
- Consider if you want your statement with the police to remain intact
- Try the visualization exercise to see which possible future gives you the most happiness
- Decide if you want to stay with him or leave
- Consider professional counseling for yourself, consider marriage counseling if you decide to stay with him
- Make frequent duaa and rely upon Allah (swt)
I know this is a difficult time for you Sister, but inshallah you can conquer this situation and come out of it happier. We are only given hardships to the extent that we can handle it. May Allah (swt) heal your heart and guide your steps, ameen.
Salam,
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