Q As-Salamu `Alaikum. I admit it's out of pride and arrogance that I let go of a devoted and pious wife - someone who has clearly forsaken this materialistic life for a better life in the Hereafter, and now I am going crazy. I can't live with the guilt, knowing that only punishment awaits me. Lately, I was reading surat An-Noor, verse 23 in the Quran; I felt it was directly speaking to me. She married me on the lowest dowry and asked to be taught the Quran, which I never took the time to do; instead, I always found a reason to complain about her pronunciation. I could count her mistakes and shortcomings, but I could never count her blessings and self-discipline, and how much she struggled to live an Islamic life. I took the "cheap" dowry for granted and mentally aligned this how I treated her. I slandered her on many occasions to friends and family and tried to make it look like I was living in Hell but was being patient when in fact it was the reverse. She stayed with me when almost everyone deserted me and supported me, and took care of my home while I was away. She has never asked for a single thing. I lead myself to believe that there is only one solution which is to divorce her; otherwise, I will look like a liar for all the slandering. While she was away visiting her family, I started talking to a woman on a chat line. I told her everything I wanted her to hear, and she did the same. We communicated for a long time, but eventually I could see she was not up for marriage. I felt the grass was greener on the other side. Even when I saw my friends with their wives, I felt I had nothing, and they had it all - to later find out that they were like that in front of other people, but not at their homes. I felt my friends were like friends with their wives which I didn’t think I had when, in fact, I had the best friend in my wife for always encouraging me to take on new challenges; she built my confidence and never failed to wake me up for praying as she never failed to wake up for Qiyam Layl and read the Quran daily. She would occasionally forsake me for an optional fast, but she never compromised to please me. I was blind; I was talking about her to my friends and family, positioning my side just because I had put in my head that I want a divorce, and I was looking for all kind of excuses to validate it. I mistreated her and called her many bad names you can think of, even told her she was not pretty and made her feel worthless. I don't know how she put with it, but she did, and I viewed it as she has low self-esteem which I abused and made her feel it. I ended up divorcing my wife - something she didn’t see it coming although I mentioned it on numerous occasions. All she said was "You trust a stranger on the internet you have never met to divorce me." she cried endlessly. The day after, she washed, ironed, and perfumed all my clothing, have the place spot clean, and she left. Never have I seen her again, or heard from her, or even know where she might be. I was the reason she moved away from a place she was able to practice the deen (religion) openly to now perhaps a place where she is oppressed for her Islamic clothing. Ramazan-Ayını-Nasıl-Geçirmeli-2-470x359 Now, I can hear how demanding my friends' wives are when mine never asked once for a single thing. My friend is trying to find me another wife, but in my heart i feel as if I lost my soul; I live with the heaviest rock in my heart on a daily basis. I pray, I fast, I read the Quran - I was blessed with a pious wife what most men are searching vigorously nowadays to now perhaps settle for a woman who is asking for a much higher dowry that I could barely afford, putting things in place that she would not do certain things, and asking for a confirmation that I could not take a second wife if I want to. For some reason, I can't get my wife out of my mind and my life. If only Allah gives me a second chance, I promise with all that I have that I will be a better person. I feel I want to get married for the sake of getting married or perhaps as a means to forget my wife. Since the divorce, there hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about her and would do anything to bring her back, but, of course, there is pride of what I have numerously told my family and how would that affect me, but at the same time, I can't live with the lies and guilt I built on her. Now, reading the Quran, I know I have never treated her well and how divorce was from Satan. I cry my heart when I think how she stood by me when I had nothing, and now when I am financially ok, I let her go. I feel empty. I beg all of you who are reading this to please ask Allah to give me another chance; I made a terrible mistake, but I want to bring her back to me. Allah knows why He made divorce the most hatred thing, and why this is Satan's biggest accomplishment, and I am the prime example to have gone through it. I honestly don't know what to do anymore; I have the materials in this world now, but I can't find a pious sister and would give anything to get my wife back. I know what I have now is also a test from Allah, how would I stand in front of Allah and answer for what I did it. Please make lots of du`aa' for me and give me the best advice possible. Thank you. It will truly be a miracle, and I am praying a lot in all my prayers that a miracle will happen, and I will have her back in this life and the next, In sha’ Allah.