In this counseling answer:
• Reach out to a local family therapist that you feel comfortable visiting with your son and discuss your symptoms.
• I would highly encourage you to continue praying Tahajjud.
Thank you for your question. To make sure that I understand your points correctly: you lost your child last Ramadan and this Ramadan you are now experiencing significant fear about your son going missing again. You stated the fear is so significant that you have been locking the door every few minutes and you have been experiencing symptoms of depression.
Additional symptoms that you have also been experiencing are losing a tremendous amount of weight. Along with coping with symptoms of fear and depression, you have developed tuberculosis and you have to take medication in order to treat your illness. Along with having the fear that your child will go missing again, you also have a fear of death. You are currently praying Tahajud and repenting in prayer as a form of coping.
It seems that the event of your son going missing was a very traumatic experience for you. The fact that this event took place last Ramadan is an indication that this religious holiday is both a reminder of sad incidents and a psychological trigger for you, making you significantly more anxious than you would normally be at any other time of the year.
You stated that your fear of losing your son has been so significant that you have been locking your son in a room. This is very unhealthy. The anxiety that you express may also begin to make your son significantly anxious as well. Locking your son in rooms against his will is a psychologically abusive behavior. I would highly recommend reaching out to a local family therapist that you feel comfortable visiting with your son and discuss your symptoms.
I am sure there are additional details to this experience that you have not mentioned. It is important that when meeting a counselor, you are able to convey the full picture of that experience. It sounds like there were many additional aspects surrounding the context of this incident that was also traumatizing you. The earlier you meet someone, the sooner they can help you work through your phobia and provide you with some options to treating the symptoms of depression you are experiencing.
As you mentioned that you have been praying Tahajud and repenting in prayer, based on this action, it seems that you blame yourself for the event of losing your son and you have somehow associated it with a spiritual deficiency. It goes without saying that prayer is a great tool to use for coping with phobias and symptoms of anxiety and depression.
I would highly encourage you to continue praying. However, I would also like to emphasize that your symptoms are not an indication of some spiritual deficiency; they are the result of experiencing a traumatic incident and significant amounts of stress.
As a result, it is important that you reach out to a counselor in your area that can meet with you in person to assess the best options for you and your son treating the significant fear that you experience. I hope this is helpful. Best wishes to you and your son.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.