A couple of days ago, I was at home alone with my brother who is almost 6 years old. We were watching TV; I was sitting on the floor and he was on the sofa using the laptop on which he usually plays games.
But when I turned towards him, I saw his hand movement which indicated that he closed the internet tab. I became suspicious.
Later on, I took the laptop to open the web history, and I saw that he was searching for clips/pictures of naked girls in wrong spelling because of which, Alhamdulillah, the stuff did not appear.
I also saw in the history that he had already watched some video of a model.
I asked him many times what he was doing, and every time the answer was different. I slapped him few times as well in a light way but angrily, and then I made him confess what he was doing.
I warned him that if he does that again, I would tell mom and dad. I also explained him that we are Muslims and we don’t do anything like that.
Now, I don’t know what to do to make sure he doesn’t do it again. I have the same problem with my other brother who is 13.
My mom, dad, and I had a feeling that he has been watching porn, and I think that he also masturbates. It would be grateful if you could advise me on what to do next. Jazakallah khair.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Share your concerns with your parents.
Start having family circles that discuss sexuality and morality in a loving and safe space.
As-Salaamu ’Alaikum brother,
It is understandable that you are upset and shocked by your brother’s curiosity and attempt to view “bad things.”
I agree with your position that this is polluting to the mind and heart, and we have to implement wise strategies to ensure healthy sexuality is developed and that your younger brothers understand why this is wrong.
Firstly, hitting your brother may make things worse as it does not solve anything other than feeling guilt and fear of the pain. In the long term, love and understanding of why this act is wrong will ensure rejection of these acts, in sha’ Allah.
The human is a sexual creature, and we must not reject our nature through unexplained shrewd morality. Rather, we must be taught that beauty and pleasure are there for us to enjoy, but it must be done within guidance and limits.
Here are some strategies:
Share your concerns with your parents, but make sure they don’t act aggressively and understand what I said above.
Start having family circles that discuss sexuality and morality in a loving and safe space. The biggest problem with many Muslim families is that they avoid talking about sex, thinking their kids are not sexual and won’t be until they get married.
This is false and dangerous. If kids don’t learn from parents, they will find out on their own.
Check out this counseling video:
If a consistent family circle is established, everyone will find safety in expressing their struggle, and your parents can share a moral perspective of sexuality and its honorable purpose in marriage and make a family.
The Prophet’s (SAW) example should be demonstrated in this circle when a man came to him and said he loved zina.
The prophet used wisdom to help this man recognize that zina may be appealing, yet one would not like it if another committed zina with his own mother, sister or daughter.
After this point of wisdom, the man left the Prophet’s (SAW) counsel, feeling that zina was the most detestable act.
Research videos and links that provide resources for family discussions on sexuality. Share these with your parents so that they can better prepare.
Salam,
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