He always states he will not relive that time again. I offered him alternatives such as my going home for a few months to be with my family at that stressful time (more support), but he refuses because of my child's schooling, and other disruption this may cause, I don't know how to convince him, I really want to have another child, and I don't want my son to be an only child, without a brother or a sister. What should I do?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•There is no guarantee for anyone that will or will not get pregnant or have a child our hope and du’aas are with Allah.
•Find someone else who may be able to speak to her husband or a scholar and let them speak to him.
•Continue to ask him nicely to honor and respect her rights as well and make du’aa’ especially.
As-salamu `Alaikum my dear sister,
I am sorry to hear about your trials after childbirth. It can be a difficult period and masha-Allah, Allah blessed you with the strength and support to get through it. Having a baby can be a challenging time for parents. Getting used to different schedules, and having to schedule life around someone else (the baby) can take some getting used to.
That being said, it has its rewards and it is for this reason Allah specifically mentions the respect children should have for their parents in the Qur’an.
I would speak to a scholar about this issue as my perception of this, is that it is more of a fiqh (jurisprudent) issue and not a counseling issue. As far as your husband’s attitude is concerned, from my understanding, his behavior is not only selfish, but it is un-Islamic.
Continued use of contraception is not considered to be acceptable Islamically (unless there are specific reasons, and only in specific situations).
While I understand that it may have been difficult for your husband to adjust, and perhaps he is concerned for your health and well-being, childbirth has the greatest impact on the mother- physiologically, psychologically, spiritually and emotionally.
If, as you say, his concern is about losing his rest, then this is not a valid reason for prolonged contraception especially since and if there are alternatives to support the baby and you. As a woman and wife, it is your right as well to have children and your husband should not restrict you from this right.
Finally, the only other thing that I would suggest to you is that perhaps from this there is something that you can learn with regards to your personal relationship with Allah. You are concerned about your child being lonely or growing up alone.
As of right now, this is the will of Allah, and we need to remember that Allah knows what is best for us and for your child. Recognize that Allah’s will still prevail and if it is that your child is the only child, then this is what is best for him and all of you. Allah does not make mistakes.
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There is no guarantee for you or any of us that we will or will not get pregnant or have a child our hope and du’aas are with Allah. Still, your husband’s attitude needs to be addressed. I would find someone else who may be able to speak to your husband or a scholar and let them speak to him. Continue to ask him nicely to honor and respect your rights as well and make du’aa’.
And Allah knows best.
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