Answer
In this counseling answer:
“You need not become angry with him, but you should do everything possible to share your feelings with your father. Let him know how it makes you feel when he verbally abuses you by saying things like he wishes you were dead or even worse that you should go to hell. This behavior is not acceptable from a Muslim, especially not a parent. ”
As-salamu `Alaikum dear son,
Thank you for writing to us. Here are some thoughts for your consideration.
First, Allah Most High has ordained that parents and children have certain mutual rights and responsibilities towards one another. Among these are that the children will respect the parents and be merciful towards them and in turn the parents will raise the children in a nurturing, Islamic environment.
It is unclear to us what exactly the arrangement is for you at home since you write that you take care of your father. Do you mean you help him with just everyday household chores or do you actually take care of your father himself? Has he become ill? Is he very old and unable to take care of himself? What about your mother? What is her condition? How does she react to your father’s behavior?
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No matter what the situation is, while it is important for you to care for your father and to respect him, you have the right to advise your father to treat you better. Allah Most High is testing you and, in sha’ Allah, you should make du`aa’ to Allah to grant you the patience and the perseverance to bear your father’s treatment while at the same time helping him to change in sha’ Allah.
Second, you need not become angry with him, but you should do everything possible to share your feelings with your father. Let him know how it makes you feel when he verbally abuses you by saying things like he wishes you were dead or even worse that you should go to hell. This behavior is not acceptable from a Muslim, especially not a parent. If advising your father does not improve his behavior, then you need to involve your paternal
grandparents or your maternal grandparents if necessary. They need to appeal to your father to improve his behavior and to treat you better.
Finally, you should make lots of du`aa’ to Allah Most High to guide your father and to grant him much better behavior so that he will treat you better. Do your best to overwhelm your father with kindness even in the face of his verbal abuse. Your father will at least never be able to say that you talked back to him or that you abused him in anyway. May Allah make it easy for you.
And Allah knows best.
Salam,
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