I am expecting my second child. My daughter is waiting for her little brother, inshallah, but I am a bit scared as she is usually quite jealous of everyone.
She hardly leaves me, and I am scared of how I will deal with 2 children. Obviously, my son will need me more, but I am afraid my daughter will not tolerate this.
How to make a balance between two children? Thank you!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Make sure to continue to give her time once he is born. Schedule a time each day that someone else will take care of the baby and the two of you can have quality time alone together so that she doesn’t feel like she has lost her time entirely once he is born.
•Protect this time and ensure that it is given a priority, too. This way, she will know that she is still just as special to you and deserving of your one-to-one time. “
Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh dear sister,
Ma sha’ Allah, you are expecting your second child and I’m sure you are very excited about the impending arrival. But at the same time, you are anxious about how your daughter will react, especially given that she seems to be very attached to you and can get quite jealous.
Sibling rivalry and jealousy is very common, especially for the first child when they have been used to receiving all the attention from the family. When a new child arrives, this is stripped away from them and can lead to feelings of jealousy. There are, however, some things that can be done to make this process a little easier.
You can begin by involving her in the process; make her feel like a part of it. Get her involved in things such as setting up his bedroom or picking out new clothes for him from the shop. This way, she will be involved right from the time before he is born.
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You can continue this once he is born by letting her help out at times such as bath time. This will encourage her to have a nurturing role over him and have more positive feelings regarding the new arrival. You might also encourage her to make a card for him, too.
New sibling
Additionally, make sure to continue to give her time once he is born. Schedule a time each day that someone else will take care of the baby and the two of you can have quality time alone together so that she doesn’t feel like she has lost her time entirely once he is born. Protect this time and ensure that it is given a priority, too.
This way, she will know that she is still just as special to you and deserving of your one-to-one time. This will also help her to understand that just because she now has a new baby brother, you still love her just as much and she will be less likely to develop feelings of animosity towards him as a result.
May Allah (swt) grant you a righteous child and reward your role as a loving mother. May He (swt) make your children the coolness of your eyes.
Salam,
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