Many times it feels awkward to get my wife treated and investigated by a male gynecologist.
Literally we both are fed up with the doctor's clinic. We want to ask whether to continue the treatment or just rely on Allah for his blessings to shower.
Kindly guide us and make a special prayer for my cause. Salaam.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Stop focusing on conceiving for right now and focus on enjoying each other, spend time with family and friends, do things together such as a new hobby or interest and let your intimate life take it’s a natural course with no goals in mind except expressing your love for each other.
•In the meantime, dear brother, build closeness with your wife, create memories of good times together as a newly married couple because once you have children you will often wish for alone time with your wife.
As-salamu alaykum brother,
I am sorry to hear that your efforts to conceive a child have not been successful thus far. However, as it has only been a little over a year, I would not despair.
For instance, examining a group of couples trying to conceive, 20 will conceive within one month, 70 will conceive within six months, 85 will conceive within one year, 90 will conceive within 18 months and 95 will conceive within two years.
Therefore, you and your wife still fall into the category of the majority of couples who get pregnant by two years.
You stated that you and your wife have consulted with doctors and followed treatment, however, I am unclear if there is something wrong which is preventing her from conceiving. Also, I am not sure what tests were done or what the treatment was.
With that said, I am wondering brother if you were tested along with your wife? Often times infertility problems may lie within the man either due to a low sperm count, slow mobility of the sperm or other problems.
If you have not been checked out and you still have not conceived within a year or so, I would highly suggest that you get an exam if you have not already.
In regard to your comfortableness with a male OB/GYN examining your wife, you may wish to seek out a female OB/GYN in your area. I am not sure where you are located in your country, but I know in a lot of countries there big cities with a lot of female OB/GYN’s.
This should be addressed before your wife becomes pregnant insha’Allah as the OB/GYN she starts seeing will probably be the one who delivers the baby when she gets pregnant insha’Allah as well.
While there could be physical reasons why couples do not conceive, there are emotional ones too, with stress being one of the biggest factors.
In fact according to Natural Fertility “Recent research tells us that stress boosts levels of stress hormones, such as adrenaline, catecholamines, and cortisol, which can inhibit the release of the body’s main hormone, GnRH (gonadotropin-releasing hormone), which is responsible for the release of sex hormones”.
Subsequently, this may suppress ovulation in women, reduce sperm count in men and lower libido in both women and men”. Based on this and other studies, couples who are under stress or are constantly thinking and worrying about conceiving are indeed creating stress which in fact may be inhibiting conception.
Check out this counseling video
It has been documented throughout the literature that some couples desperately trying to conceive and then finally give up, ended up getting pregnant within a short time
Researcher’s theorize that once the stress and pressure of trying to conceive were removed, the body returned to it’s natural hormonal state thus enabling conception.
Based on the above information brother, and the fact that it has only been 17 months, I would kindly suggest that both you and your wife stop focusing on conceiving for right now.
Focus on enjoying each other, spend time with family and friends, do things together such as a new hobby or interest, and let your intimate life take it’s natural course with no goals in mind except expressing your love for each other.
In the meantime, dear brother, build closeness with your wife, create memories of good times together as a newly married couple because once you have children you will often wish for alone time with your wife (smile), make duaa to Allah for patience, and trust in Allah that His time is perfect.
You are in our prayers brother, we wish you and your wife the best.
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