Almost on a daily basis, I do my best to revive in him the need to turn to our Creator as He alone can guide us through the many tests in this world.
However, despite my relentless efforts, he keeps asking me why Allah does not show him directly the benefits we gain whenever we go through some loss or suffering.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Your son is having a hard time comprehending wisdom that he cannot actually see right now.
•Encourage him to read the stories of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and the prophets before us who faced greater tests that any of us could expect to experience today.
•Even beyond taking a religious approach you can talk with him about any benefits that he might have experienced as a result of his condition.
•There is much evidence that can be drawn upon in our daily life that provides clear evidence of Allah’s existence and can renew one’s faith.
•It is important that you do not become disheartened with your seemingly fruitless efforts so far.
•Stay strong in faith and never give up your quest to assist your son and take your own advice in not giving up.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
Mental and physical health problems are a test from Allah for both the person afflicted with them as well as the one who cares for them, usually the parents in cases like this.
Mental Illness
The child will suffer from the physical and/or mental health problems directly and the parent will suffer indirectly as a result of the psychological consequences of seeing someone they love dearly suffering in one way or another as well as having to care for the extra needs that someone with a physical or mental health difficulty has.
It is very common when first afflicted with conditions like your son to question Allah and have a response as he has. It is even common amongst the parents or carers, but alhamdulillah, you have taken a very strong approach towards the situation.
May Allah reward you and continue to be a source of strength to you during this time of difficulty.
In the time it becomes easier to reason with those experiencing health problems and they come to accept their condition and put things in perspective where they can see the benefit and blessing in their situation as a consequence of Allah’s will.
In your son’s case, the conditions that he has been afflicted with make this more challenging and therefore he is having a much harder time accepting his situation.
In sha Allah in time, he will come to understand. It will require a little more time and patience to help him understand and appreciate Allah’s wisdom.
Much of the wisdom regarding tests will only become evident in the Hereafter such as the rewards for having endured such tests. However, your son is having a hard time comprehending wisdom that he cannot actually see right now.
Therefore with him, it will be necessary to present more concrete evidence that he can relate to now. There are a few ways that you can present information regarding the tests he is facing.
Strengthen his faith
You could also look to examples that exist in the present relating to evidence of Allah’s existence as a means to strengthen his faith that he may be eventually become more receptive to what you tell him about tests that he may not be able to see directly right now.
Encourage him to read the stories of the Prophet (SAW) and the prophets before us who faced greater tests that any of us could expect to experience today, yet look how Allah honored them and their messages were preserved.
The fact that he is able to read these stories or even relate them without having to conduct further reading on the topic is evidence of this.
Even beyond taking a religious approach you can talk with him about any benefits that he might have experienced as a result of his condition. Perhaps it has been something that has improved his relationship with others?
Perhaps it is something that has given him an appreciation for moments when he has good health as well as empathy towards others who may be experiencing ill health. Qualities that he may not have otherwise developed has he not been afflicted with these conditions.
Allah’s wisdom
Then, looking beyond his health conditions at creation in general as evidence for Allah’s existence. Look at things together; the night sky, nature, life coming and going in plants and trees as the season’s pass. How do all these happen? By Allah, of course.
The Qur’an has maintained its original state since 1400 years ago. Despite all corruption in the world, it remains unchanged.
There is much evidence that can be drawn upon in our daily life that provides clear evidence of Allah’s existence and can renew one’s faith if one just pays attention to the things that they usually overlook on a daily basis.
Once he comes to pay attention to these things it will be easier for him to then accept his test and look at the deeper meanings that come with facing a test; those things that we may not be able to see right now. The things that we simply have to have faith in Allah to accept.
When you think he is ready then you bring in concepts that are not directly observable right now such as the rewards that will come in the hereafter for having endured a trial and the greater the test, the greater the reward.
Additionally, for every trial he is enduring Allah will forgive his sins. This may be particularly since once he comes to have a renewed sense of faith he may be left with some residual feelings of guilt for having questioned Allah so the thought that He is expiating his sins for enduring his difficulties can provide some comfort.
Check out this counseling video
Conclusion
As well as trying to work with him and help him to strengthen him in faith it is important that you do not become disheartened with your seemingly fruitless efforts so far. Allah is watching all you do and will reward your efforts for His sake. Remember that all these blessings apply to you also.
Stay strong in faith and never give up your quest to assist your son and take your own advice in not giving up. This will also be a good example for your son as he looks to you as a positive role model.
Do also keep in mind that having conditions such as your sons may also class him amongst those for which the pen is lifted and in sha Allah Allah will forgive his difficulties in accepting his condition at present.
May Allah reward all your efforts and guide your son aright. May He make things easier for you and bring you to comfort in His remembrance.
Salam,
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