I’m a mother of a 7-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son.
My son is getting angry about anything. I mean if he's doing something on his own and can't do it he gets angry and yells hardly.
I don't know how to control him; if I hug him he'll hit me and yell. It starts from when he was 2-year-old.
Now, he one day hitting her sister also and if someone asked him lovely how are you or what are you doing he yelled at that person.
He's hitting me also but he never does that to his father. Sometimes I really get angry to him but this is what I don't want to do.
Please tell me what I can do to control his anger.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•When he gets angry, return your gesture calmly towards him and come down to his level so that he comes to see this as the way he should be behaving too.
•If he hears you talking in a calm voice, he is more likely to lower his tone and respond more calmly and respectfully to you too.
•When he is in a calmer place, this is the time to talk to him about his behavior, again in a calm voice. Let him know that his angry outbursts are not ok, and hitting people is never ok in any situation.
•Get him to practice these skills and encourage him to use them when he starts feeling angry. This could be things such as walking away, taking some deep breaths or finding a more healthy distraction.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,
Controlling children’s poor behavior can be very difficult and is one of the many tests that come with parenting.
Control before it becomes a habit
Ideally, it is best to try and control their behavior as early as possible before it becomes too much of a habit and therefore more difficult to change in the future.
If it is left unattended to for too long they come to think that the bad behavior is ok.
In this case, the best place to start is with yourself, especially as your son is only 3. Firstly, work on controlling your behavior towards him.
Certainly, his behavior is not ok, but if you lash out at him and get angry back he is then seeing this as normal and expected behavior because that’s what mum does.
He sees you getting angry and thinks that is how to behave towards someone when they behave angrily towards you so it is no wonder that he continental behaving in this way.
Remember that you are his role model so he will be paying close attention to your reaction and will copy you closely.
Responding in a calm manner
Therefore, you should consider responding in a calm manner with him. When he gets angry, return your gesture calmly towards him and come down to his level so that he comes to see this as the way he should be behaving too.
If he hears you talking in a calm voice, he is more likely to lower his tone and respond more calmly and respectfully to you too.
If it is that you need to take a step away from the situation for a minute or 2 in order to present this calm tone, then do so.
Your son will also learn methods to manage his own anger from this too. He will learn from you that a good way to manage his anger is to step away from the situation for a few minutes.
When he is in a calmer place, this is the time to talk to him about his behavior, again in a calm voice.
Let him know that his angry outbursts are not ok, and hitting people is never ok in any situation. This would be a good time to talk with him about ways to manage his emotions when he is feeling angry.
Check out this counseling video
Get him to practice these skills and encourage him to use them when he starts feeling angry. This could be things such as walking away, taking some deep breaths or finding a more healthy distraction.
When he uses these skills make sure to reward his behavior so that he comes to utilize these skills more often.
Conclusion
There may, however, be times where he is unable to use his skills and does get age and start hitting. Not reprimand him for these actions will only encourage him to do it again as he will continue to think it’s ok.
In this case you might consider asking him to take time out, or taking away his favorite toy for a time and not giving it back until he has apologized or is ready to talk about what he has done.
May Allah guide you both and reward your desire to raise a good, God-fearing child.
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