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In this counseling answer:
Encourage him to see that you love him and want him to gain Paradise and that you don’t want him to conform in any way to what Satan does or desires.
Mom should also stop yelling at him as chances are that this will lead him to do it just to defy her.
It is important to understand that this is something that is prohibited in Islam. Like all things that are prohibited, it means that it is for our own good and from part of the wisdom of Allah.
As-salamu ‘Alaykum,
All praise is due to Allah; we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the Seal of the Prophets, his family, companions, and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
I am not sure how you know your brother likes to practice masturbation, or if this simply a suspicion, which is discouraged Islamically.
As for sleeping on his face, this does not necessarily lead to masturbation. In general, we should not sleep on our left side or stomach as this is the position most liked by Satan. This should be explained in a nice way to your brother (no yelling, shouting, or preaching).
Instead, encourage him to see that you love him and want him to gain Paradise and that you don’t want him to conform in any way to what Satan does or desires. Other than that, once this is stated, it would be wise to leave him now as he is older and needs to start being accountable for his choices and actions. Mom should also stop yelling at him as chances are that this will lead him to do it just to defy her.
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However, having said that, I think the whole issue of masturbation needs some awareness on behalf of parents, especially when they deal with teenagers. In fact, masturbation is one of the things that our youth have to deal with as it can serve as a release to sexual pressure; however, it is prohibited for several reasons.
According to some scholars, the only time that it can be allowed is if it prevents the individual from committing fornication. In that case, it is considered to be the lesser of the two evils. However, it is important to recognize that once this starts, it is not easy to stop.
One of the negative impacts it has, especially on men, is that it conditions them to think of their own sexual satisfaction. This, later on, can negatively affect them in marriage.
It is important to remember that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), who was the best of Allah’s creation, advised for those who are unable to marry that they should fast, as this will help to subdue their carnal self.
So, masturbation is allowed in specific circumstances, but this should not be used as an excuse to take the ruling out of context and cause it to develop into a regular habit.
Now, if it has been proven that your brother is really practicing masturbation, there are ways out and there are steps that can be undertaken to get rid of the habit.
First, it is important to understand that this is something that is prohibited in Islam. Like all things that are prohibited, it means that it is for our own good and from part of the wisdom of Allah. The criterion that Allah has set for us is in order to help us become better individuals and to elevate ourselves to a higher state and strengthen our relationship with Allah Most High.
Second, knowing this, however, is not enough. We have to continue reminding ourselves of this and understand that continuing such actions will earn the displeasure of Allah. We should continue to seek forgiveness from Allah and ask Him to continually guide us along His path.
Yet, we are human, we make mistakes and Allah knows this. Once we have learnt any type of behavior and increase our repetition of it, it can become a habit. Habits are, therefore, learnt behavior and need to be unlearned.
Masturbation falls into this category. Once it becomes a habit, it becomes increasingly difficult to change or stop it. But it is possible.
•A person addicted to masturbation can resolve to stop it and there are some people who have the strength to decide that they will stop and do so. However, the majority of people may not be like this; in which case, while continually seeking forgiveness, a goal to reduce the amount of times that one does it in a day or week should be made. For example, if one is engaging in masturbation several times a week, then reducing the number of times by a couple should be the next step. This way, one is not trying to stop all at once as many times this is difficult and the person stops temporarily only to return to the habit later.
•As one works on reducing the number, in sha’ Allah, then after a week the goal should be increased. As things improve, one should continue to reduce it more until eventually, it stops.
•The other thing, in sha’ Allah, is to keep in mind that one needs to replace negative habits with positive ones. Engaging in hobbies and keeping the mind occupied in positive ways can help prevent such habits.
•Also, one should always close the doors to the things that lead to such activities. If one knows that by watching certain shows or certain Internet sites cause sexual arousal, then one must commit to stay away from these things.
Finally, remind your brother to keep making du`aa’ (supplication) to Allah. Keeping himself in dhikr (remembrance of Allah) and making du`aa’ will help him overcome this bad habit for Allah’s sake. Remind your brother to increase his good deeds as compensation for this bad habit.
And Allah knows best.
Salam,
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