Maybe you can imagine how painful that was. Made worse by government officials screaming in my face and Turkish police mocking me. I can’t recall the last time I cried for so many continuous hours. I started while getting into a cab, while a sweet young man begged me not to cry. I told him, “It’s okay Mohammed. We have to cry sometimes.

This is worth crying over.” I hope he allows himself to cry sometimes too. Five minutes into my hour ride the driver offered me water. I wasn’t even able to respond. Halfway through the ride I think he said in Turkish, “Please woman, just hydrate yourself,” and I finally accepted the bottle from him. He was right; man, how can crying both poof your face up and dry you out?!

I came home to several messages checking in on me. People heard about the flights and were hopeful I would be on them. People have been consistently checking in on me for the three months I have been locked out. Very few people know I have depression. Those who do have been a little more forceful with me, “Are you talking to a therapist?!” Yes, I am! 

Mostly I have appreciated all of the reaching out. I’ve taken some issues with the Lookie LueEllens, but will come back to that in a second. It has been terribly lonely here. I am a classic introvert and enjoy my quiet alone time.

Still, I am a mom of seven and am used to having plenty of energy around to pick me up whether I know I need it or not. While I don’t always want to respond to the queries about my current situation, I can now see how helpful these e-visits, whether texts or calls, have been to keep my spirits from becoming critically ill.

I now understand the importance of visiting the sick. Though I stick by the Islamic mandate to do all things in moderation.

The other Islamic maxim that comes to mind in this life lesson is that of not judging. You know, even if I suspect that someone is a Lookie LueEllen, thriving on my pain, well, I don’t know that. 

O YOU WHO HAVE BELIEVED, AVOID MUCH [NEGATIVE] ASSUMPTION. INDEED, SOME ASSUMPTION IS SIN…”

THE ROOMS 49:12

And you know what, if they are enjoying my misery, then they are sick in their own way. But the thing here is not to judge.

We have to keep our hearts as clean as possible. So I ask you not to judge me as I haven’t responded to all the well wishes and inquiries. I also have to seek moderation and not exhaust myself. 

I can’t thank my visitors enough. May Allah reward you with better.

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