Marriage is something I never believed in prior to embracing Islam. I have seen a lot of people suffer in their marriages, ending up in separation or divorce. I was completely unconvinced it is something I would like to have for myself at that time. Also, I was so busy with my career and was happy about it.
Then came Islam. It teaches us that there is no any romantic relationship between a man and a woman except in marriage. And it is only through marriage that a family can be built and children must be reared. It is from Allah, Who made it all clear in the Qur’an.
And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.
{Qur’an An-Nur : 32}
Allah also said, “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”{Qur’an Ar-Rum : 21}
Aside from the Qur’an, it is also Sunnah to get married. It was the way of the righteous. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) once said to us,
O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.
(Bukhari)
The Messenger of Allah also said, “Of my tradition is to marry. So then whoever turns away from my tradition (Sunnah) is not from me (my nation).” (Bukhari)
However there is no sin for those who choose not to marry, as long as they will not transgress against Allah’s limits and fall into the forbidden acts.
Acquiring this new knowledge, Alhamdulillah, my ideology of marriage completely changed. From never to must … or at least I had finally understood the importance of marriage in the life of Muslims.
New Muslim women are often vulnerable to almost everything just after embracing the religion. It’s fact. I had seen it and had personally experienced that vulnerability in the beginning of my journey.
During this period of transition for a new Muslim woman, she easily becomes attracted to the idea of marriage. She is obsessed with “finding the half of her religion” as it is often presented. She feels obligated to search for the right husband, believing he might help her navigate through her new life. For some cases, it is true that it can help. But it’s crucial bearing in mind that this is not the only way to fully embrace the religion.
Wrong Timing
A lot of new Muslim women rush into marriage just right after embracing Islam and end up complaining and blaming the religion for a failed relationship and therefore reverting to their old non Islamic beliefs.
This can be avoided. Really. It is true that we are human and weak. But it doesn’t necessarily mean we shouldn’t be smart enough to think a million times before involving in an important matter like marriage. Although divorce is allowed in Islam, the psychological damage of divorce to any person will forever leave a scar.
Marriage is good. Alhamdulillah, It is one of the best things that Allah has blessed us with in this Ummah. We must only take heed and not be vulnerable enough to jump into such a phase right away after conversion!
Take your time. Take the time to gain as much beneficial knowledge as you can and strive to act upon them. Strengthen your faith so that if any other things fails, you know and are sure that the defect is not in Islam itself, but in us humans, and our inability to recognize the true intentions of one another.
And so we must ask Allah for protection and to just guide us through everything especially in making a life changing decision such as marriage.
Pray Istikhara
If anyone of you is now on the verge of making such decision, this Ramadan is the most perfect time to contemplate and ask Allah about it. Ask the guidance of Allah through Istikhara and clarify your intentions.
If it’s the best thing for your dunya and Akhira (hearafter), be sure that Allah will not fail you in anything. And whatever happens after you have finalized and made up your mind, as long as you trust Allah, He is The Only One who will bring you to and through it all. And Allah knows best.
May Allah always grant us hidayah (guidance). May He strengthen us in all aspect of our lives, more importantly our faith.
May He purify our hearts and at the same time hold it gently and firmly as we navigate through our journey. And may He open the doors of marriage according to His perfect timing and plans to the most suitable being who will be a good Muslim example and companion in this life and the hereafter to those who are in need of it. Ameen.
