Sometimes people want that I walk according to their rules. Sometimes I am fine with this, but sometimes I don't want. So they start speaking about bad about me. Others curse me with my family. So I get hurt.
The problem is that those words stick in my mind and then I can't concentrate on my studies or my salah. Some of these people are my friends.
Please tell me any duaa. My mood and mind are not stable. I am unhappy. Please help!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Distance yourself from negative people and find true friends.
• Stay close to Allah; pray, read Quran and remember Allah often.
• Relax; find a hobby that makes you happy.
Assalamu Alaikum dear brother,
Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.
I am sorry to hear of the internal troubles you are currently undergoing. Rest assured that this a test from Allah.
The Prophet said:
“Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Find Real Friends
From what I understand, the problem is your friends. They do not accept you as the way you are. They also insult you with regards to your family.
To me, the problem can be solved through a bit of work; try ignoring your friends. If you try to ignore your friends, then they will realize that you are no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with them. They will eventually distance themselves from you.
When there are people whose presence is becoming toxic, you need to realize that the only thing that can be done to eliminate the toxicity is to distance yourself from such people. Avoid any type of confrontation with them.
We are the slaves of Allah. We have been created to seek happiness, forgiveness, comfort, subsistence, and satisfaction in life from His remembrance. If we seek happiness from anything other than Allah, then we will always be disappointed.
Life is a Test
Nothing in life is permanent. We must work on making our source of happiness acts of worship, with the intention of being rewarded by Allah alone.
Negative comments from others hurt us. We have been created in such a way. We feel depressed and we feel down. We feel unworthy and lost.
In addition, when people behave rudely with us, and we are silent, people mistake our silence for our fault, not knowing that the Prophet Muhammed said,
“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.” [Abu Dawud]
On the other hand, when we do argue and try to prove ourselves, even if we are trying to be polite about it, we are labeled as those without manners and the proper knowledge of Quran and Sunnah.
Therefore, dear brother, peace of mind is only attainable if we constantly recite the verses of the Quran with definitions in our mind.
Try to realize the fact that this life is a test and is only temporary. However, these do not have to overpower us. They can be overcome with ease.
Overcoming the Difficulties in Life
Meditate Often
Calmness is achieved from the inside. When you experience yourself feeling sad and the thoughts starting to emerge, start to a deep breath. Deep breathing is one of the best ways in which one can relax. It is a form of focusing your attention on the breathing rather than other internal fears which are slowly developing.
Do Dhikr Often
Allah says in the Quran,
“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Ar-Rad, 13:28)
Anxiety, sadness, and despair tend to deviate us from believing in the power of Allah. So, remember Allah often. Your degree of happiness depends on your level of connection with Allah. Therefore, call unto him and tell him of your worries, and seek guidance from him.
Check out this counseling video:
Allah says in the Quran,
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Quran, 2:153)
To achieve emotional calm and patience, pray often to Allah. Call on him often. Use his names to glorify him. There is a solution for every problem in the world in the Quran, be it physical, emotional, or psychological.
Allah says in the Quran,
“Indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing.” (Quran, 58:1)
Power of Istighfar
Read Istaghfar daily. Allah says in the Quran:
”Ask forgiveness of your Lord and then repent to Him. He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in showers and increase you in strength [added] to your strength.” [Quran 11:52]
”Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver.” [Quran 71:10]
Asking for forgiveness does not necessitate that you have committed. In fact, even the blessed Prophet Muhammed used to make Istighfar 75x-100x every day.
Find a relaxing pastime
Dear brother, I highly suggest that you find yourself a pastime that will help you relax and will take your mind off the negativity that you face. It is definitely hard to be victimized, and even so hard when things are said to you that constantly distract your mind for the worse.
However, realize that these things are inevitable in life. As you move on with life, you will unquestionably face negative comments at the workplace, with certain colleagues, etc. you need to learn to handle people and not internalize everything that they are saying.
Sometimes people say things to bring you down, to decrease your productivity, or to make you feel sad because they don’t want you to be happy.
Therefore, it is essential that you find either a sports activity, or reading, or spending time with people who you are inspired by, etc., to feel better and avoid such feelings. If you do not take precautions to avoid the negative comments from developing, you will become a victim of severe mental health illness.
May Allah make it easy for you,
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.