Answer
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,
I am sad to hear you are going through this. May Allah grant you ease and mercy, my dear sister. I am wondering a few things: Is this your first time away from home? Has anything traumatic happened to you in the past or recently? Have you ever had these feelings before? Do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks? Do you have other unwanted intrusive thoughts? Do you have friends there whom you can talk to?
Please sister, start a journal and answer these questions with great thought. They are important keys as to why this might be happening. Please also note how long these thoughts last, and if there is anything that triggers them.
I would like you to make a contact on paper stating that you promise you will not harm or kill yourself and that if you feel like you might, you will STOP and call someone (chose a close family member/friend) as well as the suicide prevention hotline.
Additionally, I suggest that you get in contact with a counselor/therapist or doctor there as soon as possible and be seen for an evaluation. While I cannot diagnose you, you may have a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder in which you get reoccurring intrusive thoughts. You may learn more about it here.
What you are going through sister is fairly common as you will see if you read the article I referenced. Many people experience these thoughts from time to time so you are not alone. If you do have it and only a therapist/counselor who has evaluated you can diagnose you, it can be treated. Therefore, I do urge you, dear sister, to make an appointment as soon as possible for evaluation (or go to the emergency room if it gets to be too much). Insha’Allah, start your journal for insight and clarification and call a friend or the hotline if it becomes too much.
When the thoughts do come, you may want to divert them by imagining a big red stop sign and quickly engage in a different activity to redirect the thought. Do dzkhir and read Qur’an. Remember sister, Allah loves you. You are not alone and you will get through this.
Please do make an appointment sister and let us know how you are doing.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
