My Daughter Approached by Boys, What to Do?

03 January, 2020
Q My children are studying at an American school in Cairo. The eldest girl is getting attention from boys. She receives and answers their e-mails and via the Messenger. ''Just friends,'' she claims. I fear Satan's influence coming into the picture and I told her it is haram. How do I allow her respectable relationship with boys within the boundaries of Islam?

Answer

In  this counseling answer:

•You should encourage your daughter to keep in mind that there is no such thing as “just a friend” when it comes to relationships with the opposite gender.

•You should reaffirm this by saying you trust her and don’t think that she will try to do something wrong.

•Do not treat your daughter with distrust; treat her with respect and trust and encourage her that way.


As-salamu `alaykum My dear sister,

This is always a difficult situation. Perhaps you have some good Muslim friends who can talk to her. You should encourage your daughter to keep in mind that there is no such thing as “just a friend” when it comes to relationships with the opposite gender, as such a relationship can at times become more, especially when the people are alone together away from home.

However, tell her that, if boys are asking questions about school work and in the course of such questions she asks them how they are doing, then that is OK.

My Daughter Approached by Boys, What to Do?- About Islam

You should reaffirm this by saying you trust her and don’t think that she will try to do something wrong, but that Shaytan is always trying to trick people and his influence does not start off with committing big sins, but small things that lead to bigger things and then bigger things after that. But do not treat your daughter with distrust; treat her with respect and trust and encourage her that way.

Sometimes try to pray with her and to take her to Islamic events where she can participate. Furthermore, if there are Islamic groups, then it would be good to encourage her to join them.

Remember you have to balance being a reminder to her, being a parent, and being a friend. Remember to make du`aa‘.

And Allah knows best.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Jeewan Chanicka
Jeewan Chanicka is from Toronto, Canada, and has been involved in working with youth, education, and social services issues since 1993. He graduated with a bachelor's degree with honors in individualized studies at York University with a focus on conflict resolution and culturally appropriate forms of mediation. He has done much work with both youth and adults, especially around parenting, teenage and youth issues, and bridging the gap between generations.