My Dilemma: Husband-to-Be or Ex-Fiancé?

04 August, 2018
Q As-Salamu 'Alaikum! I am getting married in August in sha’ Allah. The problem is that my ex- finance is back and he really wants me back into his life. He is also pleading for my return. I have explained to him that I am getting married. At times, I feel something for him while at times I feel nothing. Please, I have doubts in my mind now, and I'm so confused. I love my husband-to-be, but I also feel sometimes something for my ex. Is it love? I need your sincere counsel! I am in dilemma.

Answer


In this counseling answer:

Focus on your future marriage and future husband.


 Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! It must be an exciting time for you.

Your question pertaining to your ex-fiancée is pretty much self-answered sis. You stated you loved your current fiancée. Regarding your ex-fiancée, you stated at times you feel something for him, and at times you feel nothing. It appears clear whom you really love and who you feel the most security with.

While I do not know why you and your x broke up, there was a reason. To re-visit past relationships hoping to rebuild what was lost is often a path to disappointment. I believe, sister, that if your heart often feels nothing, then nothing is there. Additionally, as a woman, I would be wary of an ex who came around while I was engaged and tried to get with me. That shows a total lack of respect.

My suggestion, dear sister, would be to immediately cease conversation with your X and focus on your future marriage and future husband. I would imagine if your fiancée found out you were talking to your X, he would be very sad. As you sound very happy sister in life right now, I suggest in sha’ Allah putting the past in the past and leaving it there. There are many tricks Satan uses to lure us away from Allah (swt) and the blessings Allah (swt) has given us.

So I ask you dear sister that you re-read your question; you have already answered it!

You are in our prayers. Please let us know how you are doing!

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.