Answer
In this counseling answer:
It’s important that you approach this situation carefully in order to uphold family toes and not upset his father whilst also striving to reunite your family.
Wa ’Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh sister,
This is, indeed, a difficult situation to be in. You and your child are apart from your husband due to problems with his parents. Now, understandably, you are missing him dearly, but his father seems to be standing in the way of this happening.
Naturally, it is best for the father and mother to be together for a number of reasons. Firstly, to be protection for one another as described in the Qur’an. This is a type of protection that cannot be fully obtained by living apart. Also, for your daughter, it is the most ideal to have her father around for the purposes of building bonds and giving you support as well as giving her a sense of security. Your in-laws, thus, do not have the right to tear your family apart.
In line with Islamic principles, it’s not advisable to just cut ties with his father and disregard his opinion entirely. But, on the other hand, he is standing in the way of your family’s happiness. It is, therefore, important that you approach this situation carefully in order to uphold family toes and not upset his father whilst also striving to reunite your family.
Given that there are underlying circumstances that led to this situation arising in the first place, it might be advisable to address these issues first. You and your husband could approach them together and sit calmly to discuss the matter. If there’s any chance the situation might get heated, it might be best to make sure to arrange a date in advance so that it doesn’t come as a nasty surprise to them.
It is also advisable to invite a neutral party who you can all trust, such as your local imam to be present at this meeting. He will be able to observe things from a neutral perspective and advise accordingly whilst keeping in line with Islamic principles.
Remember to remain calm. Don’t use harsh words. In sha’ Allah, they will be more likely to hear what you have to say and react with softer hearts. Let them know how this situation affects your life as well as their grandchild. Let them understand the situation from your perspective. If they speak harshly with you, again, try to remain calm and respond calmly. This can also help to calm their arousal levels also. Even if you feel that they are wrong, do your best to treat them with respect as you would your own parents.
Unless they are being completely unreasonable, it might be best that you agree to disagree and allow them to feel like they are the right. If this means that they will back off and allow your family to be together again. It may feel like this is unjust, but remember that Allah (swt) is the ultimate judge and will judge their actions accordingly. So, you can feel more content that ultimately His judgment will prevail. This will save you potentially getting into a heated argument that may lead to even worse circumstances. Once you have overcome this stage, you can gently work in rebuilding positive relations with them again.
Continue to pray for them. Allah (swt) will soften their hearts and you will be reunited with your family again. This will also serve as a means to soften your own heart towards them.
May Allah (swt) soften all of your hearts to one another and promote happiness and contentment between all parties. May He reunite you and your husband once more in love and happiness.
Salam,
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