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Ask About Islam: Finding God Without Losing Yourself

Kaighla Um Dayo
24 July, 2017

When we seek God, we must adapt our lives to His perfect plan for us. But this doesn’t always mean we must change our deepest selves. In this LIVE Q&A session, Ask About Islam editor, Kaighla Um Dayo, will answer your questions on how you can live as a Muslim without having to give up your deepest identity.

 

Join us at 6pm Makkah time (10am Chicago/3pm GMT) on Thursday, July 27th and ask any questions you have of our counselor. If you cannot make it at this time, please feel free to send in your questions so our counselor can answer them during the session.

Thursday, Jul. 27, 2017 | 18:00 - 20:00 GMT

Session is over.

Asalaamu alaykum, Ask About Islam. My question is: is it ok for me to be shy? Or really, is it ok for someone to just be who they are?? I have people telling me that if we are too shy, this reflects poorly on Islam, and we should be friendly and hospitable and welcoming and all this. I am kind, I am hospitable, but it is not in my nature to always have people around me and always be chatting and making small-talk. But then I have other friends who are told that Muslim women should not be too outgoing or friendly. What on earth am I to do??



Wa alaykum salaam, Teri

 

This is such a hard question to answer because it is painful for me to hear about. I have been where you are, new to Islam and so open to change when change is necessary, but unsure how much of yourself you have to change.

 

To answer your question, Islam does not dictate a certain personality type. Some of the companions of Prophet Muhammad were exuberant and brave, some were timid and quiet.

 

Moses was not interested in public speaking or in addressing powerful people.

 

Prophet Muhammad did not seek to be a well-known leader of armies or an entire new religion, and he had no ambition for power when he received the revelation.

 

The fact is that much of what motivates people to say these things is culture and culture alone. There is no quintessential Muslim or Muslima model that we can all fit ourselves into.

 

If you have a more reserved personality, use this to your advantage and invite people to Islam through your kindness once you have gotten to know them well enough to feel comfortable.

 

If having guests over daily is not your idea of a good time, don’t feel pressured to. You have every right to decide how much interaction you are comfortable having, and being shy in this day and age may make you feel strange, but it does not mean you are wrong or bad.

 

So while hospitality is a very positive trait in a Muslim, so is modesty and tranquility. If being more quiet and more shy keeps your heart tranquil, don’t feel pressured to change.

 

I myself suffered with the flip-side of this: I was “too outgoing” “too friendly” and “too smiley” when I first converted. I was told that a modest Muslim woman does not behave this way.

 

I can tell you now: there is no evidence that smiling and being friendly to people is wrong for a Muslim woman, and neither is being shy or reserved.

 

So long as you are fulfilling the rights of your Muslim brothers and sisters by protecting their dignity and property, as well as returning their salaam—saying wa alaykum salaam when they say Salaam to you—then you are doing what you should do. If they need help, you should do your best to help them, but not above and beyond what is natural for you.

 

Being a woman and being Muslim means you are being scrutinized and held to standards that your male/non-Muslim counterparts are typically not held to, and I ask Allah to make it easier for both you and I!

It seems strange to me when I see people who are not Arab coming to Islam. God told us in the Quran, chapter 12, verse 2: "Indeed, We have sent it down as an Arabic Qur'an that you might understand." Clearly, Allah only meant Arabs to hear about and embrace Islam, or else He expected all people who want to be Muslim to learn perfect Arabic. And more than this, language and culture are connected. Surely God knew that people who are not Arabs, even if they "understood" Arabic would not be able to grasp the deep meanings of something if they did not understand the underlying culture. It just seems to me that non-Arabs trying to convert are fooling themselves. By the way, I am an Arab Muslim, if it wasn't clear, and I am proud of my culture.



Asalaamu alaykum, brother,

 

Thank you for bringing up this important topic.

 

First of all, I have to say: your question is wildly biased and bigoted. We cannot ever assume that being Arab gives us some sort of distinction in the eyes of God.

 

Prophet Muhammad made this point very clear:

There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab, nor for a non-Arab over an Arab. Neither is the white superior over the black, nor is the black superior over the white — except by piety.

 

Now to the core of the question: did Allah intend that all humanity should come to Islam?

 

Of course. Of course, He did. He is Rabb al-3alameen, the Lord of All the Worlds, not The Lord of the Arab People.

 

As for why He says He revealed the Quran in Arabic, many wiser people than myself have debated on this topic for centuries, literally.

 

For one thing, God actually sent many prophets before Prophet Muhammad, and not all of them were Arab or spoke Arabic.

We have not sent any Messenger except with the language of his people so he can make things clear to them. Allah misguides anyone He wills and guides anyone He wills. He is the Almighty, the All-Wise. (Qur’an 14:4)

 

Jesus most certainly did not speak Arabic; Jesus spoke Aramaic. And a little Greek, probably.

Moses didn’t speak Arabic because he lived in Egypt, among his own people: Hebrews. So Moses spoke Hebrew.

Noah….we have no idea what language he spoke! Or Abraham. Or Job. Or any of the prophets that God didn’t mention in the Quran.

 

So, it’s very clear that God sent Prophets to all people of the earth at one point or other, and they all spoke the language of the people they were being sent to, not Arabic.

 

But Prophet Muhammad, who received the revelation of the Quran was an Arab, and he did speak Arabic, so God revealed the Quran to him in his own language so that he could deliver it to his own people.

 

Allah says,

We have made the Qur’an easy in your language so that they may take heed it.  (Qur’an 44:58)

 

He also says,

If We had made it a foreign Quran, they would have said, ‘If only its verses were clear! What? Foreign speech to an Arab?’ Say, ‘It is guidance and healing for those who have faith, but the ears of the disbelievers are heavy, they are blind to it, it is as if they are being called from a distant place.’ (Qur’an 41:44)

 

Think if Allah had revealed the Quran in, say, Spanish? Would it have benefited the people of Mecca? Would it have challenged them? No.

 

Some of the greatest companions were non-Arabs, including Bilal, a black former slave from Africa. Surely if Islam was only intended for Arabs, he would not have embraced it or Prophet Muhammad would have told him clearly, “Sorry, this religion is not meant for your kind.”

 

Allah created all people and wants all people to be near to Him, for our own sakes.

 

I converted to Islam about 2 years ago and I feel so concerned. My imam tells us that volunteering is important only when you are doing it for your family and for other Muslims. So we should not reach out and help others who are not Muslim? Why??



Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for this question.

I am sorry to hear that this is what your imam is teaching his congregants, as it is not founded in Islam. The truth is that helping anyone, in any circumstance, is a highly rewarded and blessed task.

 

Muslims today are working hard to help people all over the world. IMAN, the Inner-city Muslim Action Network, is an organization in the poorest parts of Chicago serving the poverty-stricken people there. Most of them are non-Muslim!

 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said,

I and an orphan’s guardian, whether he is a relative or a non-relative, will be like these two in the Garden,’ and then the transmitter indicated the index and middle fingers. [Sahih Muslim]

 

On first glance, this may not seem to directly address your question, but think about it: he is saying that he is very very near to someone who works to put the affairs of an orphan in order, whether that orphan is a relative or not.

 

What Prophet Muhammad is saying here can be extrapolated to anyone who works to help in the affairs of any oppressed or suffering person, whether they are related or not.

 

Now, imagine what it means to God if we help those who are not even Muslim? Imagine what sort of amazing message we are sending to the world when we help people out of the love of humanity?

 

It’s not a totally radical idea that good people would help anyone suffering, in any condition.

 

In another hadith, Prophet Muhammad said:

… Whosoever removes a worldly grief from a believer, Allah will remove from him one of the griefs of the Day of Judgment. Whosoever alleviates [the lot of] a needy person, Allah will alleviate [his lot] in this world and the next. (an-Nawawi)

 

While he does specifically mention removing suffering from a fellow Muslim here, he goes on to refer to “a needy person”, giving one the impression that it is a great reward to help anyone.

 

Now, the idea that we should begin our charity with our own family is founded on a sound hadith. The Prophet (peace & blessings of Allah be upon him) said,

The best charity is that which is practiced by a wealthy person. And start giving first to your dependents. [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

 

So while we should certainly start by helping out the weaker members of our family, beyond that, we are called to help remove the suffering of any human being, Muslim or not.

 

I hope this answers your question, inshaallah.