Answer
As-Salaamu ‘alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhum,
I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well and that you have a disease that is causing you so much anguish and problems! May Allah give you Shifa’a (healing)!
The Hadith says that for every disease Allah created, He also created a cure. So, I recommend that you do not take the doctors words and opinions as the final truth on the matter. Rather, take their opinions as: “they have not yet heard of or discovered its cure”.
It already may have been discovered by some other doctor or doctors somewhere else in the world. So, do a search on the web to see if you can find a doctor, or doctors, who are studying and/or curing, and/or finding ways to deal with and/or relieve the symptoms of your particular disease. Somewhere else in the world other than your local town, a doctor may know more about your disease and how to live with it, if not cure it, than your local doctors, inShaAllah.
If not, if you truly are going to have to live with your disease because its cure has not been found yet, know that, every pain we suffer is an expiation for our sins. And any test we suffer is a blessing in disguise! I know it does not feel that way but it is paradoxical, i.e., it appears to be one thing but, in actuality, is another.
Expiation for sins is at the core of what it means to be a Muslim. Allah says in the Quran that He loves those who repent again and again. The Prophet (saw) indicated that the difference between a believer and an unbeliever is that we ask (the believers) Allah to forgive us. When Aisha, the wife of the Prophet (saw) (May Allah be pleased with her), asked the Prophet if a man who was very good to others (before Islam) was going to Jannah, the Prophet said no because he never said “Rabbi aghfirli”, which means, “Oh my Lord, forgive me!”.
This proves that it is not our deeds that get us into jannah but our humility in front of Allah. A mustard seed’s size and weight of pride will be in hell. The opposite of pride (what will be in jannah) is humility, i.e., the recognition that we need Allah to provide for us, the thankfulness (shukr) that He did and does, and the willingness to be low in front of Allah, which we show Him (and ourselves) by asking Him to forgive us when we are human, which means fallible.
I am not trying to say that you have done anything wrong in relationship to your disease, you have not as far as I know. All I am saying is that it is a blessing to suffer pain because it is the route to forgiveness, and forgiveness, i.e., the mercy of Allah, is our only ticket to jannah, and jannah is the goal, not this life!
It is not enough to believe in Allah, shaitan believes in Allah. What we are supposed to do is believe in the form of humility, i.e., submit to Allah. Submission is a behavior and the hadith says that all behaviors are judged by their intentions, in other words, we do cannot know what a behavior means by looking at only the behavior; only Allah Knows that because he can see our intentions, we cannot see other people’s intentions! We have to search for them by asking ourselves or others to understand our own behavior as well as others.
All that to say: asking for and getting Allah’s Forgiveness is the measure of our humility, which is the real measure of our belief, not belief alone, and when we suffer pain, it is an automatic expiation for our shortcomings! So, try to be grateful for anything that causes you pain. Once the Prophet (saw) asked his companions (may Allah be pleased with them) what they loved most in this world. All of them said the obvious answers (I forget what they were) but Abu-Hurairah (Allah be pleased with him) said that he liked to be sick. Everyone, even the Prophet was shocked and ask why and he said because it is an expiation for my sins. Subhanalah! So, be comforted by this news my dear sister and try to find a way to look at your suffering in this different light, inShaAllah.
In the Quran, Allah Says that when we suffer something that makes us feel traumatized, or scared, or really sad, or the like, we should say, “Inna li lahi wa inna ilaihi ra jee un” (From Allah we come and to Allah we will return). Thikering this helps the believer see his/her life in its real context, as part of the whole of what the real life is, i.e., this life and the next life, with the next being vast and lasting infinitely longer than our present one. That one short sentence references the beginning and the end of life, thereby referencing the essence of life, that life is for the next, not this one.
May Allah Make it easy for you
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