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On Spirituality and Nearness to Allah (Q & A Session)

Dina Mohamed Basiony
15 March, 2017

Asalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters, 

Struggling with spirituality? Don’t feel the connection with Allah? Or are you feeling far from Allah because you are stressed by life?

Have all your questions on spirituality and drawing nearer to Allah answered in our next Live Session with Ask Islam counselor and Spirituality Editor at Productivemuslim.com, Dina Mohamed Basiony. 

Join us Sunday, March 19 from 8 PM – 10 PM in Makkah (5 -7 PM GMT) (7 -9 PM in Cairo) ( 1-3 PM in New York).

Can’t make it to the Live Session? Don’t worry. You can email your questions in ahead of time to [email protected]

Sunday, Mar. 19, 2017 | 20:00 - 22:00 GMT

Session is over.

Asslam, I don’t know whether my issue is a psychological / spiritual (tasauuf) / Medical. Despite having been religious and having a family with religious, spiritual background, my life has rarely been happy. I lead my life very religiously and with lot of fear/ phobia since childhood. I was very obedient since childhood. I have been sexually harassed by many people. My parents have seen every of our issue from religious perspective. Never understood our core issue from the point of view of an issue. (I don’t know why Allah don’t guide us in such situations? ) My parents forced me to get marry despite my reluctance. With a so called fear of ALLAH (SWT) and in the name of parental obedience I reluctantly agreed for marriage. I did istikhaara. I got the answer positive. I never liked the girl. Later the girl (my wife) proved to be notorious. I had no plans for a having a baby. Ultimately I got divorced (via khula) with in about 8 months. Then my elder brother passed away in a dreadful cancer disease. I have seen every of his pain,his sufferings, multiple organ failures, chemo effects. Brain disorders. Now I am again getting married under the coercion of parents to a woman who is divorced because her ex-husband was medically unfit. This is despite my internal, mental unpreparedness for marriage to a divorced women. I don’t see my future very bright despite being into a career life of about 10 years. I am taking high dose of Anti depression tablets ESTOMINEL S from past 10 months. I am now rarely interested in Religion, I don’t have any interest in offering salat, no interest of being a Muslim. No purpose in life. Not bothered about death. Don’t even care about Jannah or jahannum. I say after my death I don’t want jannah / jahannum because they are created by ALLAH. Let Allah send me to a place where there is no presence of him. I am sure he will throw my good and virtuous deeds on my face because he is an entity who act on his own will and wish. My Questions are as follows: Why is ALLAH doing all this to me despite his high claims of loving human 70 times more than a mother's love ? Why is ALLAH only worried about whether 5 times salat, 30 days fasting, Hajj pilgrimage? Why did he created me without my knowledge and permission? I was not interested to be created and given all these tortures? Where is ALLAH when we are in need? Why did he create Dunya, Nafs, and Shaytaan. Is it to betray us and then punish us and enjoy seeing us crying? Why should we always repent despite no sins. Why always good things should happen after this life. Why not on earth? Why Should we trust ALLAH, when he is not even interested to guide us? I have no interest life. Good that I have not offered prayer for many years or else Allah will torture me more in the name of test and examination. Please advise. I apologize if I have erroneously troubled any of your sentiments. Thanks and regards. Wassalam. SS



Salam Our Dearest Brother,

We can’t thank you enough for sending your questions. We are very humbled to receive them and glad that you have chosen us and contacted us. Your message is very important to us and we want to do everything in our capacity to provide you with what you need.

You have raised many valuable points; you also asked a number of questions.

You deserve a detailed and thorough response to the many topics you’ve covered. We’ll just kindly mention that the live session has limited time and space, which obliges us to provide brief answers. This won’t do justice to your questions.

So, we will be referring your questions to our specialists to take time and answer you as best as they can insha’Allah.

We have a small observation; you kindly mentioned that our Merciful Creator, Allah Almighty, “is not interested in guiding us”, if this is the case, He wouldn’t have guided you to send us your questions, and He wouldn’t have guided us to want to do everything in our capacity to help you…

Allah always guides us; sometimes, however we don’t pay attention to His signs.

{And how many a sign within the heavens and earth do they pass over while they, therefrom, are turning away.}(Qur’an 12: 105)

We respect and appreciate your feelings, emotions, and struggles.

Since you mentioned you’re taking medications, we believe we should refer your question to our specialist. But we also do advise you to seek professional help through therapy. There is nothing wrong in seeking professionals to help you heal and deal with everything you’re going through.

We can all get overwhelmed sometimes. It is best to express feelings and thoughts with someone who is trained to deal with this in the best way possible for your own emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health, and well-being.

So, please keep that in mind, and start taking the means. There are trustworthy specialists who do counseling online, like Sr. Haleh Banani for example. These are definitely options you can explore.  

With regards to the marriage situation, it is absolutely amazing that- out of respect and obedience on your part- you are inclined to obey your parents. However, in Islam we learn that marriage cannot be forced at all. You have every right not to go through with this.

It is not good for you or for the woman to go through with a marriage when you are not happy or ready or comfortable. Nothing in this religion forces you to obey your parents in marrying someone against your will.  

It is worth noting the fact that she is divorced is not the problem at all. There is absolutely no shame in being a divorcee, not in the slightest. However, the problem is that you do not desire this marriage. That’s enough reason not to go through with it.

You will insha’Allah find someone that you love and respect and can be excited about. The Kingdom of Allah is vast and He can provide for you. I know this is not something you want to hear at the moment, but I am being 100% honest with you because I am speaking from experience and I know how matters could look completely sad, dull, depressing, then Allah provides people from where they’ve never expected. I have witnessed this personally again and again. That’s why I say this.

We all experience different kinds of emotions, and our iman (faith) goes up and down. AlhamduliAllah, Allah is Merciful and He is Patient with us. Even the moments of sadness you’re going through are rewarded.

Abu Sa’id and Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) said:

Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry, or even the pricking of a thorn; but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

To briefly respond to a few issues you raised:

  • “Why is ALLAH doing all this to me despite his high claims of loving human 70 times more than a mother’s love?”

Kindly please read these answers that will provide you with a more detailed analysis:

Why do bad things happen to good people?

If it Wasn’t for Suffering, We Wouldn’t Appreciate Blessings!

Dealing with Hardships the very best way!

The amazing story of Hajar and how it’s relevant to you

[Finding Peace and Contentment – Part 1]: What Does it Mean to be Blessed?

[Finding Peace and Contentment – Part 2]: Does Having Problems Mean You’re Not Blessed?

[Finding Peace and Contentment – Part 3]: How Our Words Affect Our Hearts

  • “Why is ALLAH only worried about whether 5 times salat, 30 days fasting, Hajj pilgrimage?”

He is not worried. He doesn’t need that. We need it. When the doctor prescribes a healthy diet plan for us, he is not going to benefit from it. But we will. Through His knowledge, He tells us what benefits us. Please kindly see this answer for more context.

Why are their requirements in faith?

  • “Why did he create me without my knowledge and permission?”

The videos below of a former atheist professor, Jeffrey Lang, could really deeply answer many of your questions. He seemed to have many of the same questions you currently are experiencing. So, please give this a chance to watch whenever you can.

The purpose of life- Jeffrey lang 

Jeffrey Lang – From Atheism to Belief: A Journey to Islam in North America

  • “Where is ALLAH when we are in need?”

He is always there and He hears and listens. And if you are patient and hold on to faith, everything can and will change to the better.

{For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.} (Qur’an 94: 5-6)

  • “Why did he create Dunya, Nafs, and Shaytaan. Is it to betray us and then punish us and enjoy seeing us crying?”

Not at all. He says:

{What would Allah do with your punishment if you are grateful and believe? And ever is Allah Appreciative and Knowing.} (Qur’an 4: 147)

And He says:

{And We have certainly honored the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with [definite] preference.} (Qur’an: 17, 70)

{It is He who created for you all of that which is on the earth.} (Qur’an 2: 29)

Allah has prepared for us eternal happiness and eternal rewards; every moment of difficulty in this temporary life is rewarded. Everything is on our side. When teachers give students tough tests, is it to humiliate them and enjoy seeing them cry?

No, it is because they know they have the capacity to handle those tests; and because those who pass the toughest tests are the most honored and most prestigious and most successful of all.

  • “Why should we always repent despite no sins.”

Why do we always wash our clothes or clean our apartments? It is to keep them clean and fresh. We should always keep our hearts clean and fresh as well by cleansing them from any potential wrongdoings or shortcomings that we have. It boosts our spirituality and gives us peace. There is no harm in it.

  • “Why always good things should happen after this life. Why not on earth?

No good things happen in this life too? I see it all the time. You will see it too if you just look for it. A little patience and hope, please.

{For them are good tidings in the worldly life and in the Hereafter. No change is there in the words of Allah. That is what is the great attainment.} (Qur’an 10: 62)

  • “I have no interest life. Good that I have not offered prayer for many years or else Allah will torture me more in the name of test and examination.”

This is the saddest part in all of this. Cutting ties with the Source of life is death in itself. I know you don’t feel like it and I know you have many feelings of anger and questioning, but if there is a sincere advice I would give you, our brother, it is to pray. Pray and pray and pray.

Beat this anger and this resentment and just go and speak with Allah. If He wants to torture you, He would have taken your soul or let you die on disbelief, but He is giving you life and giving you time, and I know you don’t want to believe it, but I have seen with my own eyes that people’s lives can change COMPLETELY to the better even after extreme hardships.

Allah can give you love, hope, meaning, peace of mind, everything you desire for your serenity, and can give you your rights back. Everything can change for the better. But change the way you perceive Allah.

I swear He is our Most Loving and Most Merciful and Most Beautiful Creator. Don’t let Shaitan tell you otherwise. Allah is near and He is watching you and HE will heal you. Just please hang in there and change this perception of Allah. If you believe in Him and believe that goodness will come, it will come. And if you believe otherwise, then this is what you’ll get too.

Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

Allah says: ‘I am just as My slave thinks of Me when he remembers Me.’ By Allah! Allah is more pleased with the repentance of His slave than one of you who unexpectedly finds in the desert his lost camel. ‘He who comes closer to Me one span, I come closer to him a cubit; and he who comes closer to Me a cubit, I come closer to him a fathom; and if he comes to Me walking, I come to him running. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

You’re strong and courageous enough. Nothing says life will continue to be as you described. Nothing can take hope from you. You can change everything to the better and Allah will help you.

Anger and resentment bring nothing but darkness. Hope brings more hope and more Light. Make the right choice, please.

I hope this helps.

Asalamu Alaykum, How can I maintain my feeling of nearness to Allah when I am on my menses and can’t read Quran or pray? It is very hard for me and then when my menses is over, I feel like I have to start building that again. Thanks in advance.



Walaikum Asalam Amina,

Thank you for your question. 

Who said you can’t be spiritual during your menses? On the contrary, you can maximize on speaking directly to Allah Almighty and packing your duas (supplications) during this period. We learn from the hadith that the Messenger of Allah says:

Verily supplication is worship. [Related by the four Imams].

So, make dua and connect with Allah, also read these previous answers we provided before to get more tips, insha’Allah.

http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/how-to-keep-connection-with-god-during-menstruation/

Is Menstruation a Punishment from Allah to Women?

How to Make the Best of Ramadan During Menstruation?

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch. 

Salam. 

What happens to the soul of someone who has only heard lies about Islam, as the case today with many non-Muslims as a result of the Western bias? Are these non-Muslims considered kufar, really? Do they go to hell?



Salam, 

Thank you for your question and your concern.

Allah Almighty will never punish a people He didn’t warn or provide evidence for. He Almighty says:

{Whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of] his soul. And whoever errs only errs against it. And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And never would We punish until We sent a messenger.} (Qur’an 17: 15)

So, know for a fact that the Creator, Allah Almighty will never do injustice to anyone.

Allah says in the Quran what means:

{That is for what your hands have put forth and because Allah is not ever unjust to [His] servants.} (Qur’an 3: 182)

{And We had already given Moses the Scripture, but it came under disagreement. And if not for a word that preceded from your Lord, it would have been concluded between them. And indeed they are, concerning the Qur’an, in disquieting doubt. Whoever does righteousness – it is for his [own] soul; and whoever does evil [does so] against it. And your Lord is not ever unjust to [His] servants.} (Qur’an 41: 45-46)

{The word will not be changed with Me, and never will I be unjust to the servants.} (Qur’an 50: 29)

Now with regards to your questions, you can find more detailed answer here by scholars. We hope this helps.

 Please keep in touch. 

Salam.

How does iman relate to spirituality?



Salam Lulu, 

Thank you for your question. 

What is spirituality if it’s not deep faith and connection with the Creator/Source of the spirit?

We know from the hadith that iman (sincere belief) is:

[…] to believe in Allah, His angels, His Books, His Messengers, and the Last Day, and that you believe in preordainment (destiny), its bad and good consequences. [Muslim]

How can we be “spiritual” (focused on the spirit/soul) if you don’t have deep knowledge and constant connection with the Creator of your spirit, Allah Almighty? As you can see for the hadith, iman involves matters concerned with deep knowledge, deep belief, and connection with the unseen and this requires true, firm, and unwavering iman.

I hope this makes things clearer. 

Please keep in touch.

Salam.

Please check out these links for more info. 

Lived Spirituality: What is Ihsan?

Heart & its Connection with God