The woman said she couldn’t say no to him. He often says lies to his girlfriend, and that is how she got trapped. My friend's husband always watches fashion TV and has sex even if he is lying beside her; she even has videos of his girlfriend and him. This is the nutshell of the situation. His parents know about it. So the question is what she should do. She loves him but fears him as well. She is asking whether she should stay with him in Kuwait or return back to her native country as she fears all these things will have a bad effect on her children, and also Islamic schooling is difficult for them in her locality in Kuwait!
Could you please give my friend some advice. May Allah reward you for all your help, in sha’ Allah. Jazakum Allahu Khairan.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• You can love a sick person. But it is not necessarily wise to live with a sick person if that person is a danger to your soul or the health of your mind, body, or spirit, or to the health of the mind, body, or spirit of your children.
• If she or her children are in physical danger, she must protect herself and her children.
• If there are any support systems or women’s networks that you can hook your friend up with, please do so as soon as possible.
• Your friend needs immediate counseling.
As-Salamu `Alaykum Sister,
Thank you for your sincere concern for your friend. When I hear stories like this, I suspect there could be some family violence as well. This man is mentally and spiritually ill. Your friend is correct in fearing that she and her children are in danger.
Are there any women’s programs either in Kuwait or in her native country? She will need support if she is going to try to care for her children without the financial assistance of her husband.
If she or her children are in physical danger, she must protect herself and her children. She must protect herself because she is their mother and nurturer of her children. And naturally, she must protect those children. This man is likely a sex offender, and it is possible that he is a sexual predator. Make sure those children are safe.
I am not falsely accusing this man as I do not have enough information but simply warning the woman to make sure that she is “awake” and paying attention to what is going on in the home.
I can say that making videos, watching sexually explicit shows, and masturbating while lying right next to his wife is a great big RED FLAG. Note that the man may be using a mind-altering substance, so counseling is imperative.
You can love a sick person. But it is not necessarily wise to live with a sick person if that person is a danger to your soul or the health of your mind, body, or spirit, or to the health of the mind, body, or spirit of your children. She can pray, invite to counseling, and be a good listener and show kindness as an expression of her love for him. But from what you described, just what he is doing in the bed as he lays next to your friend is extremely damaging to this woman’s soul. She needs to get away from that situation if she can do so safely.
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Sometimes you can’t just get up and leave. The man will become very violent and you could even get yourself killed. This would not be good for the children. They need their mother. Sometimes, you have to make a way out. So, if there are any support systems or women’s networks that you can hook your friend up with, please do so as soon as possible.
Your friend needs immediate counseling. Your friend can work through the pain and grief of betrayal and abandonment that often are awakened when the husband has this kind of affair with another woman. She needs to address the safety issues at hand as well.
Thank you for writing in. I pray that my words will help your friend focus on the important and urgent tasks that are being presented to her at this moment.
May Allah bless you,
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