Answer
Answer:
As-Salaam `Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
Your experience is something that has happened to many Muslim converts who have settled before you in countries which represent the opposite of their culture. You are not alone in these feelings, and there are many women who have had similar experiences.
As the daughter of converts to Islam who have lived in this country as well, this is an issue that I hold dear to my heart. I pray that Allah replenishes you in your faith as you go through this crisis in belief.
Some key points that you have made as you discussed your concerns is the fact that you are a French convert to Islam. This means that you are a westerner and a European by culture and, as a result, the way you express and interpret the faith is going to be most certainly from these lenses.
As western women, we often take for granted the basic freedoms that we have in our countries such as driving a car on our own, shopping by ourselves, participating in sports and athletics, living and operating on a day to day basis on our own in whatsoever profession that we choose. What you are experiencing right now is culture shock because what you are coming to realize is that the reality you have lived in your home country is not the reality for so many women in countries that are often labeled “Muslim” countries but do not necessarily abide by the rights of women according to the teachings of Islam. This can be found in many countries throughout the world Muslim majority and non-Muslim majority one can find injustices throughout the world.
What is important to keep in mind as you are going through this difficult time living abroad is that all of the characteristics of the people you have encountered, and the behaviors you have mentioned are not condoned or match the values and worldview or capture the essence of Islam.
These factors you mentioned that are contrary to Islam include:
“We are segregated at home and waste our life watching TV, women are completely excluded from public life, there is no public transportation and we are not allowed to drive, no parks to bring the children to, only huge malls and a life for consuming. I have tried going for a walk a couple of times and have been harassed by men, even young boys, although completely covered with niqab and gloves.”
As human beings and as Muslims, we are all born with a good nature and it is our parents, environment, etc, that teach us right and wrong. What we often find is when we do things that are not good for us, our conscience tells us and it feels unnatural even when we continue to do it out of pride.May Allah protect us all from this.
There is a bright side to what you are experiencing in terms of your disillusionment and disgust with this particular lifestyle. What you may view as a sign of some form of personal weakness is actually a sign of consciousness of Allah and your faith. It is apparent that what you are experiencing is not healthy and what you are observing is an unhealthy environment for anyone Muslim or Christian. This is even more disappointing for us as Muslims, especially for those that live in western countries that do not have the privilege to wake up to the athan, etc., which are the positive aspects of living in the country.
What I would encourage you to do is seek out a support system of other Euro Muslim women who have experience living in the country as well. Find activities and participate in social activities you enjoyed from your home country.
Communicate and consult with your husband about your concerns. If he is supportive, I am positive he will help you to find more culturally congruent activities so that you can enjoy your life in this country and not feel socially and culturally isolated as many western women do when they move to this country.
If you have the means, travel and get to know the surroundings with your husband as much as possible so that you can thoroughly become familiar with ways you can enjoy yourself and your life in this region.
Take occasional breaks by travelling back to France to see family and friends. There is no place like home regardless of the experience. When living abroad, we all at times become homesick and emotionally and mentally exhausted from using a foreign language and conforming and interpreting a foreign culture that doesn’t match our values necessarily.
Last but not least, look and list all the positive things you enjoy about living in Saudi no matter how small. This could be waking up to the athan, the type of tea or sweets they sell on a certain street, the jewelry or dresses they sell in a particular market, etc. You will find beauty in the culture everywhere as you begin to focus on the positives. Embrace the culture, the good and bad, as it is a learning process and will truly transform you.
If you do not have enough family support in this country as you would like, take frequent breaks and travel as you adjust to the cultural differences, the language, and meet other sisters that can show you the fun aspects of this country. Every country no matter how strict their laws may be has fun points, seek this out and bring your husband into this process of exploration as the context of the culture means having him involved will make this journey easier.
May Allah bless you, your marriage, and your family, and make this process easier for you.
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