Dad Tried to Kill Mom!

03 July, 2018
Q As-Salamu ‘Alaykum. I live with my sweet and small family; my dad, my mom, and I. The problem is that with my parents there are a lot of misunderstandings and fights. My father is now 50 years old and mother is 47. Recently, I went to my friend’s marriage and stayed there a week. I don’t know what happened exactly, but one day my dad woke up at around 2 am and tried to kill my mom when she was in deep sleep. She even had a surgery because of it. My dad is in jail now. I need your suggestion about what I should do. What does Islam say about this?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

• If there was physical violence in the past, or if your dad suffered from some kind of mental illness, I would suggest looking into these factors if possible.

• Help her to heal from this traumatic event by being as supportive as possible.

• I would seek a lawyer’s advice and request that a psychological exam is done for your father.


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum Brother,

I will try to address this sad situation as best I can with the limited background. First of all, usually no one gets up in the middle of the night and tries to kill someone, unless there has been a severe transgression, or if there had been problems between your parents that you do not know about. Still, that is not an excuse as in Islam we are not to kill another, except if defending our lives.

Furthermore, AboutIslam scholar states that “Islam maintains the protection of life and does not sanction any violation against it. In the Glorious Qur’an, Allah, Most High, says,

“But whoever kills a believer intentionally – his recompense is Hell, wherein he will abide eternally, and Allah has become angry with him and has cursed him and has prepared for him a great punishment.” (4:93)


Check out this counseling audio: 

 


While you did not mention how family life was, if there was physical violence in the past, or if your dad suffered from some kind of mental illness, I would suggest looking into these factors if possible, in sha’ Allah. Prophet Mohammad (saw) stated,

“The most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behaviour is most excellent; and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)

With this in mind, as you described your family as “sweet”, I am to conclude you were not aware of any problems between your parents, nor did you witness your father mistreating your mother. Under this hypothesis, it may be that your father had some sort of psychological break although we cannot be sure as we do not have all the details. Like I said, people usually don’t randomly just jump up and try to kill someone. Therefore, I would seek a lawyer’s advice and request that a psychological exam is done for your father. This may help with his case.

I would also be understanding of your mom. Help her to heal from this traumatic event by being as supportive as possible. I am sure she is quite traumatized, as you and your dad are. If other family members live near you, seek their support and insight at this time. They may know things you don’t, regarding the situation, and they may provide insight as well as being a comfort to you.  Also, seek out counsel from your local imam as well as counseling for yourself as this may have an emotional impact on your psychological state once the shock has worn off.

Lastly, dear brother, stay close to Allah (swt), make du’aa’ for your parents, ask for Allah’s (swt) mercy, read Qur’an for strength and guidance; and seek the support of your close friends during this most trying time.

Please let us know how things are going. You and your family are in our prayers.

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Dad: The Most Abusive Person I’ve Ever Seen

http://aboutislam.net/ask-the-counselor/domestic-violence/

Domestic Violence in Muslim Community & Tips for Victims

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.