Answer
In this counseling answer:
•We cannot be sure as to the exact cause of his behavior, but we urge you not to delay in taking action to help him. One such course of action would be to consider having him admitted for psychiatric evaluation over the course of a few days.
•We suggest extending the examination over a few days because often examinations over a few hours do not do justice to the depth and breadth of the problems being encountered.
•Discuss this option with your wife and other trusted doctors before you take action on it.
As-salamu `alaikum,
Thank you so much for writing to us. We appreciate your patience and concern in trying to help your son. We offer some thoughts for your consideration.
First, thank Allah that He has bestowed mercy in your heart so that even after all this you are still inclined to help your son. Allah Most High is testing you through your son’s behavior. Although the intense feelings of shame and embarrassment are not lessened by knowing that this is a test from Allah, we remind you of this fact so that you do everything in your ability to meet this test with the best of conduct yourself.
You have already shown so much patience, al-hamdu lillah, and are doing your best to help your son by having all of those medical tests done. Allah Most High is well aware of your actions and, in sha’ Allah, though you might not perceive it readily, a great reward awaits you for your sacrifice, in sha’ Allah.
We realize how sorry you are for having lost your temper and slapping your son when he urinated on the clothes and shoes of the mosque attendees. As much as it hurts you and might feel awkward to do so, ask your son for forgiveness for this one action you committed out of anger. Then, make du`aa’ to Allah and seek His forgiveness as well.
Be assured by the fact that Allah Most High in His wisdom tested even Prophets with difficult and challenging family members, among whom is Prophet Nuh (peace and blessings be upon him), whose son was drowned with the rest of the unbelievers.
Second, since your son has reached the age of puberty and has not been diagnosed with any mental illness that would incapacitate his thinking abilities, he is very much responsible for his own actions. You should always keep this in mind while you are attempting to deal with your son and intervene on his behalf.
We cannot be sure as to the exact cause of his behavior, but we urge you not to delay in taking action to help him. One such course of action would be to consider having him admitted for psychiatric evaluation over the course of a few days. We suggest extending the examination over a few days because often examinations over a few hours do not do justice to the depth and breadth of the problems being encountered. Discuss this option with your wife and other trusted doctors before you take action on it.
Finally, make lots of du`aa’ and remember that as long as he is sane, in the end, your son alone will be held responsible for his actions. Yes, you will feel pain, shame, and embarrassment, but if he refuses to change himself, you cannot stop living life and affect your relationship with your wife and two other children.
And Allah knows best.
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