The girl also told me that they have been asking her about how her mother treats her. We have been very perturbed since then. Some people suggested that we move her to the Islamic school, while others said they (the authorities) might have taken it even farther and put us under probation. Some suggested that we return home, which needs some arranging. What do you think?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•Find out your rights in whatever country you are in because it is not normal for a school to threaten like this without valid evidence. Talk to a lawyer.
•You sound though that your family is in need of some kind of support and maybe you and your husband need to talk to see how you can have some support in order to help yourself and to be able to spend time with your daughter.
As salamu ‘alaykum dear sister,
You are in a difficult situation. First of all, a school will investigate if they have reason to suspect that the child’s safety is compromised. Depending on the country though, I do not believe that schools have the authority to put parents under probation.
In Ontario (Canada) for example, a school may call Children’s Aid Society and they will send a social worker to investigate the concerns. They will only intervene (or should only intervene) if/when they think that the child is in danger of some kind. Otherwise, they would make suggestions or recommendations that the family has to follow.
Find out your rights in whatever country you are in because it is not normal for a school to threaten like this without valid evidence. Talk to a lawyer.
It also seems as if they may actually be encouraging the child to say that you are hurting her. Or this may be because they suspect and they are simply trying to make sure she is okay and unharmed. In which case they are doing it out of thinking about her best interest. But, as I mentioned before, find out about your rights by speaking to a lawyer or someone else.
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Now if your child is young, she should not be left alone for an extended period of time with the babies.
The question I should ask you is: why would your child say you are abusing her? Are you hitting her? If it is a simple spanking (light) then that is usually acceptable. But if you are hurting her by beating her up or using objects then that would be not only wrong but Un-Islamic as well.
You sound though that your family is in need of some kind of support and maybe you and your husband need to talk to see how you can have some support in order to help yourself and to be able to spend time with your daughter.
There are usually support services that are available, for example if you call community services or public health nurses they may be able to direct you to particular programs or supports that will be good.
-Are there people who can assist, maybe from a local mosque?
-Is there a family member from abroad who can come to stay for some time with you all?
Please try to talk to your husband and see what you can do. I know it may be difficult now, but it is for the best of your family in the short and long run.
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